I have been feeling really discouraged this week about college, and all the assignments. It's been so long since I have studied properly, and the assignments are big and bulky, technical, and very theoretical. Not to mention that I have never been great at studying....! I haven't got any marks back yet, and really don't know if I am on the right track, and know too, that much of what I am studying really depends on different circumstances, and pat answers don't work...!
Anyway, woke up this morning feeling discouraged about it too, and something happened- completely seperate to college, that was just completely ENCOURAGING! So, while I still don't really know why I am here, and doing this course, I know God does, and so will continue to trust him in it all...! But am incredibly grateful for the encouragement!!:)
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Christmas present to Jesus
I was reminded again of the Christmas present I gave to Jesus last year (you may, or may not remember, depending on who you are, that where I used to live, Christmas day was a day for Celebrating Jesus’ birthday and giving thanks for him). It was, well painful, yet, incredibly precious, so wasn’t really something that could be shared easily. Anyway, I realised the depth of it this week, and the amazingness of God in so many ways.
So, my gift, was a shattered heart, one that had been torn, and I was returning it to him to put back together, his way. And he has done that, in so many ways, and very differently to the ways I might have expected! There are aspects that have been with me throughout my life that have been revealed, and while I am not there yet, God is at work, and showing me what he’s doing now- I can’t see the future, but, he’s brought me this far… I think I’m in safe hands!:)
I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice. Psalm51:17 Msg
So, my gift, was a shattered heart, one that had been torn, and I was returning it to him to put back together, his way. And he has done that, in so many ways, and very differently to the ways I might have expected! There are aspects that have been with me throughout my life that have been revealed, and while I am not there yet, God is at work, and showing me what he’s doing now- I can’t see the future, but, he’s brought me this far… I think I’m in safe hands!:)
I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice. Psalm51:17 Msg
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Perspectives
Last weekend I was talking to someone, and it really struck me! They were sharing about how they had Chronic fatigue for several years, and how they had tried to fight it in many ways. The turning point for him though, was when he finally stopped, and asked himself, ‘is this as good as it is going to get, and if so, how can I live, as I am, to the fullest?” And surprisingly, or not surprisingly, once he started living from where he was at, he started to get better!
I can’t imagine having it for 5+ years in various degrees, but it was amazing to talk to him. The thing I took away from it all though, was the turnaround in his perspective. I often slowly take myself down a path that ends up seeing things in a way that I really shouldn’t and get caught out, but the awareness and insight when you see things from another person’s perspective, or God's perspective, is amazing!
I can’t imagine having it for 5+ years in various degrees, but it was amazing to talk to him. The thing I took away from it all though, was the turnaround in his perspective. I often slowly take myself down a path that ends up seeing things in a way that I really shouldn’t and get caught out, but the awareness and insight when you see things from another person’s perspective, or God's perspective, is amazing!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Some random quotes
I am working on a nice huge assignment this week, and glad I have time in the day at the moment to do so, because this one is a big topic to get my head around, with loads of ins and outs!!
Anyway, the following are a few quotes that really encouraged me, and stood out for various reasons, so since I have enjoyed them, and typed them out, thought I would share them. Funny thing was though, that I didn't realise that two of the quotes were by the same person till I put them here, but thinking back... it makes sense:)
Without forgiveness we can never be free to try again. Without forgiveness we can never love another person for what that person is, and loving a person for what that person is and not for what we want that person to be is the only kind of love which allows us to life freely without the demands and expectations which cripple and isolate us.. Forgiveness and love are inseparable. We cannot have one without the other. We cannot live in relationships with others unless we can forgive others and forgive ourselves. (Dorothy Rowe)
Hatred is simple. Love, real love, is much more complicated. The problem about love is that it is inexorably linked with freedom, Love is spontaneous. We cannot love on demand. We cannot order someone to love us. …..but we all know that the mystery and wonder of love lies in the fact that it cannot be commanded and it can only be freely given. I cannot love you just because I feel I ought to or because you want me to. The fondness we feel for people who give us things, in the hope, perhaps, that we shall love them, we call ‘cupboard love’ and know it is not the real thing. We do not love someone just because that person gives us presents and does things for our benefit.
But love is a risky business. It means getting to know another person. It means loving a person as that person is, and not as we want that person to be. … (Dorothy Rowe)
Maslow characterizes the creative persons as those who objectively view and are comfortable with life, personal relationships, and reality itself. Like Paul, they have learned to ‘be content in whatever situation’- content, but not complacent. They are free to engage in flights of fantasy, to imagine the unimaginable, to see visions and dream dreams, and they are willing to act on what they envision. “I can do all things in him who strengthens me,” Paul exults.
To be creative one must not only be spontaneous in response to a problem, situation, or personal relationship, but also be willing to take risks. Taking risks means possible failure. People who must always be right, who are afraid a mistake will cut them off from acceptance, cannot create. The gospel liberates us for risk-taking precisely because it frees us from the need to be always right, correct, good, or sinless. Willingness to risk failure takes courage, as Luther knew in taunting meticulous Melanchthon, “Sin Bravely!”
Both the person living under the gospel and the creative person are characterized by freely given compassion. Compassion is generated by willingness to stay in touch with our almost automatic response to human suffering. Who can remain unmoved by accounts of kidnapped children, of suffering in a refugee camp? But most of us don’t act on the feeling of compassion. What stops our compassionate action is not insensitivity, but self-defensive fear. “I’d better not get involved”. In liberating us from self-defensiveness, the gospel frees us for compassionate action and for deeper, more genuine entry into human relationships and into the risk-encounter of love itself.
In life under the gospel, we become creative, free to lose ourselves in work, in problem solving, in a sense of mission. Because we no longer overprotect our ego or out reputation, we are able to lose ourselves in our tasks or our play in an unself-conscious fashion. The self-defensive need to count the cost no longer hampers and inhibits. In the gospel we can ‘press on towards the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus”. (A Becker)
Anyway, the following are a few quotes that really encouraged me, and stood out for various reasons, so since I have enjoyed them, and typed them out, thought I would share them. Funny thing was though, that I didn't realise that two of the quotes were by the same person till I put them here, but thinking back... it makes sense:)
Without forgiveness we can never be free to try again. Without forgiveness we can never love another person for what that person is, and loving a person for what that person is and not for what we want that person to be is the only kind of love which allows us to life freely without the demands and expectations which cripple and isolate us.. Forgiveness and love are inseparable. We cannot have one without the other. We cannot live in relationships with others unless we can forgive others and forgive ourselves. (Dorothy Rowe)
Hatred is simple. Love, real love, is much more complicated. The problem about love is that it is inexorably linked with freedom, Love is spontaneous. We cannot love on demand. We cannot order someone to love us. …..but we all know that the mystery and wonder of love lies in the fact that it cannot be commanded and it can only be freely given. I cannot love you just because I feel I ought to or because you want me to. The fondness we feel for people who give us things, in the hope, perhaps, that we shall love them, we call ‘cupboard love’ and know it is not the real thing. We do not love someone just because that person gives us presents and does things for our benefit.
But love is a risky business. It means getting to know another person. It means loving a person as that person is, and not as we want that person to be. … (Dorothy Rowe)
Maslow characterizes the creative persons as those who objectively view and are comfortable with life, personal relationships, and reality itself. Like Paul, they have learned to ‘be content in whatever situation’- content, but not complacent. They are free to engage in flights of fantasy, to imagine the unimaginable, to see visions and dream dreams, and they are willing to act on what they envision. “I can do all things in him who strengthens me,” Paul exults.
To be creative one must not only be spontaneous in response to a problem, situation, or personal relationship, but also be willing to take risks. Taking risks means possible failure. People who must always be right, who are afraid a mistake will cut them off from acceptance, cannot create. The gospel liberates us for risk-taking precisely because it frees us from the need to be always right, correct, good, or sinless. Willingness to risk failure takes courage, as Luther knew in taunting meticulous Melanchthon, “Sin Bravely!”
Both the person living under the gospel and the creative person are characterized by freely given compassion. Compassion is generated by willingness to stay in touch with our almost automatic response to human suffering. Who can remain unmoved by accounts of kidnapped children, of suffering in a refugee camp? But most of us don’t act on the feeling of compassion. What stops our compassionate action is not insensitivity, but self-defensive fear. “I’d better not get involved”. In liberating us from self-defensiveness, the gospel frees us for compassionate action and for deeper, more genuine entry into human relationships and into the risk-encounter of love itself.
In life under the gospel, we become creative, free to lose ourselves in work, in problem solving, in a sense of mission. Because we no longer overprotect our ego or out reputation, we are able to lose ourselves in our tasks or our play in an unself-conscious fashion. The self-defensive need to count the cost no longer hampers and inhibits. In the gospel we can ‘press on towards the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus”. (A Becker)
Monday, October 13, 2008
Heaven
It suddenly occured to me today... that I can't wait to go to Heaven!
Some of that might have something to do with the fact that my general 'in transit-ness' is more accentuated by the fact that I am moving again today, finally! I am so looking forward to this new chapter, of settledness, of being in a home of my own, having a home church, a home group (made initial enquiries yesterday, yay!). College is, of course, sorted, so all that's left is a job, that slots in perfectly with the rest of life in general:).
I was thinking about Heaven today though, and wondering again, how my life would look if I really lived in the light of its fullness, of going there myself, and knowing others who may, or may not be going. Where does my courage, confidence, and sense of belonging fit into the big picture?
As always, Jesus is pretty straightforward, saying, in John 14: 1-3
Some of that might have something to do with the fact that my general 'in transit-ness' is more accentuated by the fact that I am moving again today, finally! I am so looking forward to this new chapter, of settledness, of being in a home of my own, having a home church, a home group (made initial enquiries yesterday, yay!). College is, of course, sorted, so all that's left is a job, that slots in perfectly with the rest of life in general:).
I was thinking about Heaven today though, and wondering again, how my life would look if I really lived in the light of its fullness, of going there myself, and knowing others who may, or may not be going. Where does my courage, confidence, and sense of belonging fit into the big picture?
As always, Jesus is pretty straightforward, saying, in John 14: 1-3
1"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.
2In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have
told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. 3And if I go
and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with
me that you also may be where I am.
An awesome statement, room enough for all, and a wonderful place to look forward to!:)
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Honesty..
One of my friends, who is most beloved, is a fellow blogger. I love her blogs, and so enjoy reading them! One of the reasons why I love reading them though, is her challenge to herself, to always be truthful. And while she doesn't always blog, and doesn't blog about absolutely everything, she doesn't hide the stuff that's less beautiful, or isn't stuff you would normally say about yourself.
Hmm... so, am I as truthful? Nooooo...:) but I don't think you would want me to be, either:) Even in sharing the less beautiful stuff, she's still beautiful in it all, whereas, all too often, I just feel like a ball of wool that's unravelling as fast as I try to keep myself together.
Oh, am sure God has a plan for all my messiness......and yes, one day I look forward to the days when it becomes clearer... but for now, I will continue to find my way through each day as it comes:) And give thanks for those who are braver than I:)
Hmm... so, am I as truthful? Nooooo...:) but I don't think you would want me to be, either:) Even in sharing the less beautiful stuff, she's still beautiful in it all, whereas, all too often, I just feel like a ball of wool that's unravelling as fast as I try to keep myself together.
Oh, am sure God has a plan for all my messiness......and yes, one day I look forward to the days when it becomes clearer... but for now, I will continue to find my way through each day as it comes:) And give thanks for those who are braver than I:)
Home
I got some new CD's yesterday, which is just great! It's wonderful to have some fresh music, something different, and great lyrics to think through!
One of the CD's though, that I got was the soundtrack to Prince Caspian. I saw the movie soon after I returned here, and the last scene.....well, it went straight to the heart! The Pevensie children, thoroughly enjoying life in Narnia, suddenly returning home to war torn London, and that feeling of shock as you suddenly return to somewhere so normal and familiar, yet sooo removed from where you have just been..
The music though, that was played at the time was really special though, and listening to the lyrics, realised how much they resonated with me,but especially in light of heaven. That is my home, no matter where I am here, or what I am doing, or feeling...
So, 'This is Home', by Switchfoot.
One of the CD's though, that I got was the soundtrack to Prince Caspian. I saw the movie soon after I returned here, and the last scene.....well, it went straight to the heart! The Pevensie children, thoroughly enjoying life in Narnia, suddenly returning home to war torn London, and that feeling of shock as you suddenly return to somewhere so normal and familiar, yet sooo removed from where you have just been..
The music though, that was played at the time was really special though, and listening to the lyrics, realised how much they resonated with me,but especially in light of heaven. That is my home, no matter where I am here, or what I am doing, or feeling...
So, 'This is Home', by Switchfoot.
I’ve got my memories
Always inside of me
But I can’t go back
Back to how it was
I believe you now
I’ve come too far
No I can’t go back
Back to how it was
Created for a place I’ve never known
Chorus
This is home
Now I’m finally back to where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I’ve been searching for a place of my own
Now I’ve found it
Maybe this is home
This is home
Believe over misery
I’ve seen the enemy
And I won’t go back
Back to how it was
And I got my heart set on what happens next
I got my eyes wide it’s not over yet
We are miracle and we’re not along
Chorus
And now after all my searching
After all my questions
I’m gonna call it home
I’ve got a brand new mindset
I can finally see the sunset
I’m gonna call it home
Chorus
Now I know
Yeah, this is home
I’ve come too far
And I won’t go back
Yeah this is home.
Always inside of me
But I can’t go back
Back to how it was
I believe you now
I’ve come too far
No I can’t go back
Back to how it was
Created for a place I’ve never known
Chorus
This is home
Now I’m finally back to where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I’ve been searching for a place of my own
Now I’ve found it
Maybe this is home
This is home
Believe over misery
I’ve seen the enemy
And I won’t go back
Back to how it was
And I got my heart set on what happens next
I got my eyes wide it’s not over yet
We are miracle and we’re not along
Chorus
And now after all my searching
After all my questions
I’m gonna call it home
I’ve got a brand new mindset
I can finally see the sunset
I’m gonna call it home
Chorus
Now I know
Yeah, this is home
I’ve come too far
And I won’t go back
Yeah this is home.
Moving..
It still doesn't seem real, yet, on Tuesday, I will be moving house! Slowly things are filling, and in some parts, taking over, but it's getting there! The house is great, location is fab, people are the best and I am sooo looking forward to being there!
One thing that has brought great joy to us all is the shelf quickly filling with our combined library of cook books... ahh:) cook books! cooking for people, being able to have people over for meals again:) Happy days:) So, when things settle down, more assignments have been handed in, hopefully time will be quickly made to have people over to visit and share this wonderful gift of a new home:)
One thing that has brought great joy to us all is the shelf quickly filling with our combined library of cook books... ahh:) cook books! cooking for people, being able to have people over for meals again:) Happy days:) So, when things settle down, more assignments have been handed in, hopefully time will be quickly made to have people over to visit and share this wonderful gift of a new home:)
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Hide and Seek...:)
Today has been such a lovely day of possibilities, hard work, and seeing things happening that will have a huge impact on the future! And how exciting is it??!! I still can't believe the things that God is putting into place, and has in store- for me! And while it may not be all that special or whatever in the eyes of the world, to me, it just shows again God's lavish, personal, unique love for each of his children!
I was reminded too, on my way home, of the verse in Jeremiah 29: 12-14...
Particularly...
I was reminded too, on my way home, of the verse in Jeremiah 29: 12-14...
Particularly...
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
I love the sureness, and steadfastness of this verse, that God will be found when we put him first. I love that he desires relationship with himself, and that we CAN trust in him no matter what!
And yes, there are days when I want to yell out.... God is GOOD, all the time, BIG time, hoo ha!:)
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Birds eye view...
I am in the process of moving house/flat again... I counted it up with my sister the other day, the it was only yesterday that I realised I had forgotten to include 3 or so of them, so the current total (not including times when I have lived out of a suitcase!) would be 12 moves...! Amazing!
Anyway, there are things I love about moving, and things I am less keen on, but has a sudden, insanely excited moment when I found some things that had been long forgotten (Including some birthday invitations to my 23rd birthday!), but one was a card I had received while living in London the first time saying...
Anyway, there are things I love about moving, and things I am less keen on, but has a sudden, insanely excited moment when I found some things that had been long forgotten (Including some birthday invitations to my 23rd birthday!), but one was a card I had received while living in London the first time saying...
Spread your wings and fly my friend
For who knows what beauty is to be seen
Who knows to what height you can aspire
With God all things are possible.
For who knows what beauty is to be seen
Who knows to what height you can aspire
With God all things are possible.
How lovely is that! It is something I have often remembered, but really hadn't thought I still had the card!!
Anyway, I am moving and it currently looks like it will happen in the next 3 weeks. I still can't quite beleive it, and there is MUCH that still needs to fall into place, but am excited about it all!:) So, step by step...and many lessons learned along the way...:)
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