The tension in our hearts...

I was with a new bunch of people last night, some I knew, and others I didn't. Great fun! It's the type of group I have been to hundreds of times, and yet its different, quite different.

The woman leading worship commented on how it feels to 'live' in more than one country, and the tension that creates in one's heart. It is there. It doesn't go away. I have three home countries, and when I moved the the third, remember thinking at the time, this was really silly- especially knowing what it was like to have two countries already. I wasn't wrong, but know I would rather have the tension of three home countries than two, at the same time. Special times!

It got me thinking about tension of the heart in different situations. I don't like tension. I like completeness, resolution, solutions. I would rather sort out things that run away. Unanswered questions, confusion, unsaid apolagies and explanations aren't something I deal well with. I had to laugh though because I realised that I don't like it to the point where I have said to the other person what I have wanted them to say to me, whether it's an apology or whatever.

There aren't always answers, resolutions, healing. Sometimes there's the tension in our hearts. And I will feel that till I go Home to Heaven, and that's ok:)

I have an amazing life, with awesome experiences, and people. That tension is a gift, because it reminds me that I care, and have people around the world worth caring about.

The power of the spoken word

My boss has given a copy of two books to lots of people recently, having read it, and been changed by them. I have yet to read them, but hopefully will get to them soon! One is called Truth and Transformation, by Vishal Mangalwadi, and shares insights on Nations around the world, and their development from a Christian perspective.

A colleague shared something that had really struck her this week, which confirmed something I have been trying to live out. Nice when someone shares something, and it resonates!

Anyway, Mangalwadi comments...

'Postmodernism has lost confidence in words because the West has rejected its logocentric worldview. Yet the fact is that human beings creat culture and history because we speak. Words are creative because they presuppose imagination and freedom. Freedom means that our words can be true or false, liberating or deceiving, constructive or destructive. Our words can capture the invisible laws that regulate the cosmos because behind the cosmos are words- the Creator's words. Words create and transform.

Isn't it amazing that God spoke, and the world was formed, in all it's beauty, and creativity, colour, form, pattern and glory. Our words have power too, to bring life, or death, hope, or despair in how we use them, as we cut each other down, or build each other up.

I guess it's easy to think it's spoken and gone, but not so. What a gift of life we have each been given to pass onto others!!

Gaither Vocal Band I Then Shall Live lyrics

Gaither Vocal Band I Then Shall Live lyrics: "I Then Shall Live by Gaither Vocal Band
I then shall live as one who's been forgiven.
I'll walk with joy to know my debts are paid.
I know my name is clear before my Father;
I am His child and I am not afraid.
So, greatly pardoned, I'll forgive my brother;
The law of love I gladly will obey.

I then shall live as one who's learned compassion.
I've been so loved, that I'll risk loving too.
I know how fear builds walls instead of bridges;
I'll dare to see another's point of view.
And when relationships demand commitment,
Then I'll be there to care and follow through.

Your Kingdom come around and through and in me;
Your power and glory, let them shine through me.
Your Hallowed Name, O may I bear with honor,
And may Your living Kingdom come in me.
The Bread of Life, O may I share with honor,
And may You feed a hungry world through me.

Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen."

Emotional residue

I have been thinking through a few things over the last few days, of various recent events, of things done, not done, or shouldn't have been done.

It's fine and should be fine, but still, there is something, something attached. I was talking to someone recently, and the phrase popped out.. that in all the good, bad, and well, painful, the emotional residue remains. We remember the emotions felt, whether good or bad, painful, angry, joyful, and as we remember events, we remember the associating emotions and feelings.

I am trying to give time, space and distance to something, but the emotional residue remains. I want so much to get rid of it, to move on, and for it to be cut off, because I know what I feel hasn't been intended. It's just what happened.

In so many things, my head moves on, and yet, there is some emotional residue left... it remains stuck like a bad habit. I don't want it, know it doesn't make sense, and yet it lingers... fortunately experience says it passes, or is superseded, and we move on