New Blog

As if we need another new blog, especially now people have moved on to notes in Facebook, and twittering, but I need more room than than, so have begun again..:)

So, introducing Soul Beloved!

Conference last weekend

I had an amazing weekend last weekend. most of it was spent at a conference run by Bill Johnson, from Bethel Church in Redding california. I have heard him speak before- a year ago, and listened to many of his talks over the years.

I so wanted to get as much possible out of last year, but was really glad for the opportunity to return again, where it sunk in so much more! Going with a friend was so special- neither of us would have gone if the other hadn't, and we both saw God moving, and working through us all in so many different ways.

Looking back there was so much I learned, and was reminded of. It was great to go back to some of the really simple lessons, such as the immense importance of knowing who we are in Christ, of seeing how God sees us, knowing that we are his children, and as such are already 'There'. We belong, not because of what we have done, but because we beleive the one who saved us.

It was incredible to see people being healed, of seeing the joy, confidence, wonder and thrill of seeing our heavenly Father loving each of us in amazingly different and unique ways.

Bring it on!:)

Fresh Air

One of the quotes we were given in a lecture last week was the following. It immediately brought my post of emotional residue to mind and made me laugh! What a comparison!!


Where, for me in that case, it was 'just' feeling like I was in the process of losing a friend, it can be anything, and that residue just needs time to air out for a while:) We're not machines and all deal with things differently. Some things just take time!


"Feelings cannot be 'fixed' as if they were a torn patchwork quilt in need of a needle and thread. Like a musty blanket, feelings require sunlight, day after day, until the fresh air has finally cleared the cold dampness away."


Anne Kaiser Stearns

The tension in our hearts...

I was with a new bunch of people last night, some I knew, and others I didn't. Great fun! It's the type of group I have been to hundreds of times, and yet its different, quite different.

The woman leading worship commented on how it feels to 'live' in more than one country, and the tension that creates in one's heart. It is there. It doesn't go away. I have three home countries, and when I moved the the third, remember thinking at the time, this was really silly- especially knowing what it was like to have two countries already. I wasn't wrong, but know I would rather have the tension of three home countries than two, at the same time. Special times!

It got me thinking about tension of the heart in different situations. I don't like tension. I like completeness, resolution, solutions. I would rather sort out things that run away. Unanswered questions, confusion, unsaid apolagies and explanations aren't something I deal well with. I had to laugh though because I realised that I don't like it to the point where I have said to the other person what I have wanted them to say to me, whether it's an apology or whatever.

There aren't always answers, resolutions, healing. Sometimes there's the tension in our hearts. And I will feel that till I go Home to Heaven, and that's ok:)

I have an amazing life, with awesome experiences, and people. That tension is a gift, because it reminds me that I care, and have people around the world worth caring about.

The power of the spoken word

My boss has given a copy of two books to lots of people recently, having read it, and been changed by them. I have yet to read them, but hopefully will get to them soon! One is called Truth and Transformation, by Vishal Mangalwadi, and shares insights on Nations around the world, and their development from a Christian perspective.

A colleague shared something that had really struck her this week, which confirmed something I have been trying to live out. Nice when someone shares something, and it resonates!

Anyway, Mangalwadi comments...

'Postmodernism has lost confidence in words because the West has rejected its logocentric worldview. Yet the fact is that human beings creat culture and history because we speak. Words are creative because they presuppose imagination and freedom. Freedom means that our words can be true or false, liberating or deceiving, constructive or destructive. Our words can capture the invisible laws that regulate the cosmos because behind the cosmos are words- the Creator's words. Words create and transform.

Isn't it amazing that God spoke, and the world was formed, in all it's beauty, and creativity, colour, form, pattern and glory. Our words have power too, to bring life, or death, hope, or despair in how we use them, as we cut each other down, or build each other up.

I guess it's easy to think it's spoken and gone, but not so. What a gift of life we have each been given to pass onto others!!

Gaither Vocal Band I Then Shall Live lyrics

Gaither Vocal Band I Then Shall Live lyrics: "I Then Shall Live by Gaither Vocal Band
I then shall live as one who's been forgiven.
I'll walk with joy to know my debts are paid.
I know my name is clear before my Father;
I am His child and I am not afraid.
So, greatly pardoned, I'll forgive my brother;
The law of love I gladly will obey.

I then shall live as one who's learned compassion.
I've been so loved, that I'll risk loving too.
I know how fear builds walls instead of bridges;
I'll dare to see another's point of view.
And when relationships demand commitment,
Then I'll be there to care and follow through.

Your Kingdom come around and through and in me;
Your power and glory, let them shine through me.
Your Hallowed Name, O may I bear with honor,
And may Your living Kingdom come in me.
The Bread of Life, O may I share with honor,
And may You feed a hungry world through me.

Amen, Amen, Amen, Amen."

Emotional residue

I have been thinking through a few things over the last few days, of various recent events, of things done, not done, or shouldn't have been done.

It's fine and should be fine, but still, there is something, something attached. I was talking to someone recently, and the phrase popped out.. that in all the good, bad, and well, painful, the emotional residue remains. We remember the emotions felt, whether good or bad, painful, angry, joyful, and as we remember events, we remember the associating emotions and feelings.

I am trying to give time, space and distance to something, but the emotional residue remains. I want so much to get rid of it, to move on, and for it to be cut off, because I know what I feel hasn't been intended. It's just what happened.

In so many things, my head moves on, and yet, there is some emotional residue left... it remains stuck like a bad habit. I don't want it, know it doesn't make sense, and yet it lingers... fortunately experience says it passes, or is superseded, and we move on

Swings

I love swings. Especially swings with long, long ropes, so it feels like you are flying as you arc through the air. Better yet, when there is a row of swings, or at least one other, and you're swinging with a friend.

There is that moment though, that incredible moment, when you are swinging at exactly the same speed, velocity, angle, time, keeping perfect pace with each other. Priceless.

What makes it even more precious is that you just have to enjoy it while it lasts, because usually it is just a moment, and then the two swings gradually move out of time again, but that moment of swinging in time is just.... weightless!

Fortunately it doesn't just happen when you're swinging on swings which, is lovely, because there are times when you suddenly realize that you're in that really good place of unity. It may not last forever, or it may change, or you may just be ready to get off the swing, but that moment is precious, and a priceless gift that can't be bought.

An awesome God gift!:)

The Journey

It's funny what happens, looking forward, looking backwards, different perspectives, decisions.

Last year was such a year of learning new things- in so many areas, I was amazed at how much there was to learn, and there was much to learn quickly. Something I have continued to learn in different and new contexts has been to trust God, but particularly to trust God with relationships, in different ways I continue to be amazed and blessed by how gentle God is, in giving guidance, pointers, and general encouragement along the way.

Anyway, this year, a new start, home, adventures. God has new things, and while its all crazy as the changes keep happening, he has the journey sorted. He knows where the twists and turns are, and God, and me, will be able to make it through.

As the ultimate people pleaser, it has always been super hard to put all those voices, presumptions and apparent expectations aside, and follow the voice of the One who counts best, and most. So, herein lies the challenge. To live each day, listening to God first. Obeying God first.

I love this photo- it is one I took a couple of years ago while in Ireland. I love the twists and turns of the road, and of the unknown adventure of the journey ahead. God knows where the road, and that's totally awesome!

That's my Christmas present to Jesus. The road ahead.

Home is.....

This morning I walked into church and something had changed.

I have been listening to the talks online for about 3 years now, and wanted to go there since returning to Sydney 1 1/2years ago. I have often gone to visit but never really felt like I could attend.

This morning, something changed. the talk was on love, family and community- things that are important to me. I felt though that I could go up for prayer, that I could sign up for a welcomers lunch, was happy to catch up with friends, be invited to a bible study and actually feel like it would be great to go!

Smething has change. And while I am back in transit-land again, I am also Home.

Home is where the heart is, home is in God's presence, my heart says here, and so here I am. Home.

There is a bit of a flip side though. There are other places that should be home, but aren't really, but I desperately want them to be. So therein lies the challenge- to bring the concept of Home from one place to another, and not vice versa. I certainly don't have the strength to express and live out that kind of love to others. But God really does, so together, I trust much good will come of it all!

"I am the New Year"

Sorting through some things tonight, I came across this- something I had cut out of a church bulletin, from the beginning of 1999. Good timing:)

I am the new year.
I am an unspoiled page in your book of time.
I am your next chance at the art of living.
I am your opportunity to practice what you have learned
About life during the last twelve months.
All ha you sought and didn’t find is hidden in me, waiting
For you to search it out with more determination.
All the good that you trie for and didn’t achieve is mine to
Grant when you have fewer conflicting desires.
All that you dreamed but didn’t dare to do, all that you
Hoped but did not will, all the faith that you claimed
But did not hve, these slumber lightly, waiting to be
Awakened by the touch of a strong purpose.
I am your oportunty to renew your alliegence to Him who
Said, “behold, I make all things new.”
I am the new year.

Keeping the main thing main

I went to a memorial service today, for an incredible man I have been sooooo blessed to know. He died way too young, leaving behind a family, and loads of evidence of what is important to him- God, love, relationship, grace, wholeness.

I have often thought about life, and the things that are priorities, and this afternoon's events were a challenge to me, once again. What are the important things? and how do we make the most of our lives to ensure that we keep the main things the main things, rather than let other more immediate and insignificant things take over.

It was packed out, full of people, young and old, friends that had been recent, or life long. There was much spoken of love, and the life changing impact it has had, through him to his family, sons in laws, grandchildren and many, many others (including me!).

So, as the days unfold, it has been challenging to be reminded again to ask myself if I am keeping the main thing the main thing, and living each day for all it's worth for God's glory and love...!

Stepping out

It’s been a tough, tough week this last week, as I, and others very close by reach the end of 2009, and dive into the unknowns of 2010. Home and health have featured highly, with me moving in the next few days, and someone super close to me about to have a major operation. Both aren’t the final destination, and just buy time till more certainty, answers and decisions are reached.

How we have all been feeling through it all has been challenging. For me, I shut down and am super private about my feelings and emotions, hiding them away so that not even I can find them. This is fine for the big emotions that I generally don’t like to feel, like anger, hurt, sadness, but also means that, at times, I can’t tell what I think of a certain kind of music, or a band!

We have been given emotions, and for good reason too! Its ok to feel them, and express them- or it should be! Especially when its appropriate. There are times though when I feel like I go to extremes- of shutting everything off, to expressing them in a rather unrefined manner…

I have learned so much in 2009, and am excited about all that this year has to bring, and am looking forward to seeing God at work in wonderfully amazing ways. I am reminded once again of Ephesians 3:20, and ask that for each of us as we step into the new year, with all that God has for each of us, but that we would each step up to the table, and receive all God has prepared for us!

A moment

Something strange happened this week. Well, it was a moment, where nothing changed, but…. Something has changed. Perspectives, relationships, definition, something foundational has changed, which has caused everything to be re-aligned. And yet, to all extents and purposes, nothing has changed… yet. But looks like it will. Some things only take a moment.

So, it is with some fear and hope, I look forward to seeing what these changes bring, and I look for something fun, daring and adventurous to do in the meantime. Current thought is a fun tattoo… but will see:)

Love in action...

I have been thinking about the passage in 1 Corinthians 13, well, all year, in different contexts now. It continues to come up in different ways, and different aspects have been highlighted to me as I have journeyed through this year.

More recently, I have been reminded and challenged by the challenge, that without love we are nothing, just a clanging bell. That love is in action, an excercise in restraint, and pro-activity.

Last week, I watched the I Heart movie with a friend, which was so refreshing and eye opening- there was much to think through and review. But as they read through 1 Corinthians 13, the word trust came up again.

Love always trusts. Wow. As part of a whole context, it's easy to slip past it, but that's quite something to feel safe enough to love, but to love and trust, and actively trust people. Now that's a special thing, especially when you don't often get the chance to excercise trust in action, let alone love.

I have been so blessed this week to see it in action this week though, and while it felt like there were times when I didn't excercise that trust to the extent I wanted, there were changes.

It was a special week of love and trust in action and as this week comes to an end, am glad to have learned some good lessons, and very grateful for the love I have seen in action! I continue to have much to learn!!

A day in the country

A few weeks ago, I was able to head out to Bathurst for a day to help some people set up an independant Christian shop. It was such a fun day, spent with some great colleagues, and having fun with an amazing amount of space trying to make products look good enough for people to buy!

The best bit though was the community feel of the space! The space I was looking after happened to be the shop front window (yippeeee!) which meant I was in a position to be the one people spoke to when they walk past, parked in front of, popped out of their shop front, or, because the local paper was at the corner, receive the business card of one of the writers!

It was so fun to talk to people who came by asking what was going on, giving tips and pointers, encouragement (you're in a great location), or hmm... it's a quiet street...! One was really pleased and committed to praying for the shop, and people working there, while another was going to tell everyone at church all about it!

In all, it was a lovely day of seeing community at work and at its best. Positive, encouraging, helpful, and connected. While I have been part of commnity, I haven't really been part of such a connected community for a long time, so realised again that I missed it.

Hopefully new opportunities will unfold for communities, especially as my footsteps take me to new places, and away from the community I have started to become part of where I am living now, but till then... I guess community it where you make it, and we need it here and I am enjoying supporting and encouraging these amazing people as they pursue the challenge of making this amazing shop a success:)

I have to say though, that every time I think about it, the theme song to Cheers comes to mind..:)

Postive Truth Telling

I had a few conversations recently where I almost asked a question, but then didn't. They weren't bad questions or particularly controversial, but for various reasons I didn't ask.

Anyway, after the last time that happened, I was reminded of spending time with a lovely friend who had popped in for a very short time, and I hadn't seen in about 2 years. Anyway, she said at the beginning that we had to speak truth the whole weekend, and if we had a question, we just had to ask it- which was challenging and so refreshing! Maybe its the level of trust that means we can indeed ask the questions, no matter what, but it also means we have a much deeper friendship for which I am grateful.

So, I think I am going to start challenging myself to ask the questions that come to mind more, to speak the truth in a positive way that is encouraging and faith building, and see what comes of each of these friendships... will people be wierded out, or will they be encouraged, and will it be ok for me to be me, and not hold it in...

People of life

I was doing a slightly different job last week at work,and the first day found me seeking out a friend to ask her something... and it got me thinking about encouraging people! She's such an encouragement to me, and LOVES seeing what God is doing wherever he's at work, and keeps an eye out for encouraging moments, whether from a sermon, something God has shown her, or seeing how God has blessed her, or others. She delights in those moments, and sharing them with others so they are blessed too!

I would love to be more like that- to see those God moments, and be able to share them with others in a joyful way that encourages them in turn! I try, but don't always succeed- often feeling in the way, and not being able to articulate what I want to say well, or just giving up for various reasons. Like all things though, I guess it comes with practice and perseverance, and keeping me eyes open for those moments of being able to bless and encourage others!:)

Our Father's banqueting table

His Banner Over Me

He brought me to His banqueting table (echo).
He brought me to His banqueting table (echo).
And His banner over me is love.

I am my beloved's and He is mine (echo).
I am my beloved's and He is mine (echo).
And His banner over me is love.
Yes His banner over me is love.

And we can feel the love of God in this place.
We believe Your goodness,
We receive Your grace.
We delight ourselves at Your table, O God.
You do all things well, just look at our lives.



I am starting to see this song in a whole new light....

Blessed be your name!

I love the song 'Blessed be your name' and how wonderfully it speaks of the way God gives us gifts, and while God has different purposes in the gifts, life is a gift, as is all that's within it. It's all about perspective!!

I was reminded of that song again today and of how God gives and takes away, and we can choose our attitude within the gift giving, and receiving. I have been so blessed with such alot of things this year, and so aware that there are alot of things within that that I couldn't take for granted. I have so loved the lessons learned, places, people, times spent, and knowing that through it all, it had a time limit, whatever that might be...

Next year will be fun! A few things have happened this week, and one in particular, that means that everything else will too, and while it's sad, it's exciting too! I started praying about a month for a door to open, and who knows:) Maybe it's starting!

Hopefully through it all, no matter what, I will continue to trust God in all things, and events,and as the song goes, my heart will choose to say, blessed be Your name!