2011

What a year 2010 was. The people, events, ups, downs, special times, heartbreaking times. An amazing year. Being the first day of the next year though... ahh the possibilities. I often picture a story I once heard, and, thinking back on it today, wonder what that will mean for the year ahead.

Imagine a beautiful glass container. It can be as big or small as you like. Start off by putting in large-ish beautiful stones (for, they are the most important, and will take up the most space). They need to be chosen carefully though as only so many can fit in.

Following that, are smaller stones, or shells- the little beautiful ones you find on the beach. Next up are the grains of sand, and following that is the liquid that will cover all, be through all, and finish it off. The container that is the year ahead.

Some of it will be planned and intentional whereas others will be a surprise, unexpected and well, come out of the blue.

I am looking forward to being more intentional about a few things, see other things becoming more established and see how the whole year takes shape! I am looking forward to it:)

Motivation

Isn't it funny what we have motivation for! I have been thinking about the things I am interested in, and enjoy doing. But there seems to be a gap between them all.

There's the group of things I just have to do, because they are life, or I have committed to it, like, well, going to work. There are people who are a priority to see. I can always find time to see or talk to these people.

And then there are the things I should do, or would like to do, or even really like to do. And yes, the things I ought to do. I wish I had equal motivation for those things, and even for the interesting uni assignments which I really do know I want to sink my teeth into.... and yet... it would be nice to have a nice energy, and gung ho-ness about those things too!:)

Bloggers graveyard

Over the years since blogging started, I have bookmarked lots of blogs, to follow, keep up with, whether they were written by friends, or were of topics that were interesting to me, or had been recommended to me by friends.

It's always exciting to see some start up, but sad when they drop off again. There are some that I know are paused, and when they auther gets a chance, it will start again, but there are others that have been sitting, waiting for another visit for a year or more, or a big event happened...and that's it. I remember so many of those times, blogs and stories and have loved following friends in this way, but when do you pull the plug and delete the link? I can't bring myself to it, because it feels like deleting a friendship, and that would truly be sad, even if it is just in cyberspace.

Life does go on, and other events happen. I don't mind that the blogs stop, but I do miss them too!

Practical

It never ceased to amaze me that I can get soooo much done at work, and seemingly acheive so much, and then it comes to what I am studying.... and all motivation goes zip! Out the door!


I love what I am studying, and my work, and wonder at their connects, but wow it's hard to apply myself to the theoretical rather than the practical!


It was such a good, and successful work week too. I am so pleased with all that happened, and projects that are coming together. While it can be super hard work and I want to quit, I also really love my job, the opportunities, and the people I get to work with are pretty amazing! And when opportunities for these amazing groups bear fruit, that makes it all the more worthwhile!

As I get to the end of my degree, the question of 'what's next?' gets asked more and more, and while I don't have a clear answer, and feel like life is very bitty, know it's in good hands, and it will all fall in place at just the right time! But in the meantime, the next 6 weeks is going to be rather busy!!!

Open Doors

I have spent the last few days at a trade fair for Christian Booksellers. It has gone so fast, and there are so many people I would have liked to sit down and have long talks to, but it was such an immensly encouraging time though, of talking, sharing stories of what God has done, of seeing miracles, big and small. There are book shops that survive through the wonderful help of volunteers, while others step out and show God's love at Sexpo and the Mind Body Spirit festival, seeing miraculous events, and life changes daily!

Often there would be people who would suddly stop with heads bowed, praying, all encouraging each other and sharing their journeys.

The theme for me though, that kept coming through was, that all we need to do is pray, commit our way to God, and trust him to open the doors. For many of them, they saw it in the practical and the miraculous, the provision of abundance when a vision and dream had been defined, or when they felt like God was telling them to do something crazy rediculous!!

I think of events in my life, things I would like to see happen that I just can't make happen. There have been times when I have tried to open doors, or at least gently leaned on them hopefully. It all comes back to trusting God though, praying, and giving him room to move, something I still struggle with... I am wonderfully encouraged by the amazing men and women who are out there doing just that!!!:)

Dad's

I have been really mindful of quite a few situations over the last couple of weeks, and in a completely different context, VERY aware that father's day is coming up!

In both of these strange meanderings, it has amazed me yet again that I know some incredible fathers out there. They love their families with a fierce protective love, and feel the pain of helplessness when they can't fix the big painful issues that batter and bruise the people they care about most. They take amazing joy in their wives, and have amazing pride in all their children's accomplishments. I am so glad to know them all, and soooo glad to know some incredible honorable, integrity-filled, love filled, passionate, patient, God filled men!

Happy fathers day!:) And if you're not one yet, happy Father's day to be!:)

Meandering paths.

The last few weeks have been quite something really, challenging and enlightening at the same time. There has been some low lows, and a desperate need to hold my tongue and keeeeeep on holding it, as well as some really special highs.

It has amazed me again and again how the same route, even though within different contexts and language will get you to a similar destination! Sometimes its good, and not so good, intentional and unintentional...

Standing back and looking at different situations and events, there are moments when it's hard not to notice the elements that separate and unite. There have been elements of counselling and prayer ministry this week, which have been distinctly similar, and yes, they have been specific styles, they are also very different and one isn't necessarily going to replace the other.

I am so glad to be learning, and in a place to make connections, and yes, even actually have something to offer. there is still so much to learn though!! Meeting someone recently, it struck me hard when they said they were studying for the peice of paper... what a tragic loss, though yes, so understandible in so many situations, and yet, I watched someone go back to study this week and she hadn't been in any formal education since year 10. What excitement and joy she had after over 20 years, to be able to get stuck into something new.

That has been an incredible highlight of the last few weeks, as has seeing answers to prayer. God is good!

Blind spots

As my friends get older, and yes, more grown up, many are going on to have their third, even fourth or fifth children. One good friend has gone on to have seven children- all of whom are gorgeous unique and really special! I am looking forward ot be an aunt for the fourth time soon:)

Alongside that picture of wonderful blessings and bundles of joy, there are those who can't have children, for whatever reason. They haven't been able to, aren't in a position to, or have lost them. Some do go on to having children, but it is an emotional road that is walked.

With so many wonderful friends who are having children, it is such a special time to be around, to watch the joys unfold, and grieve when things don't go as they should. I have an overwhelming desire to punch certain people who judge others in relation to that, and am often shocked by the way the whole topic of children brings out the honest, and not always helpful opinions. So often it's heartbreaking- for people who have been blessed with 'many', or those with none, when they have got it 'wrong' in the minds of the person passing judgement. And no, I am not referring to any one person in particular- more the passing comments, criticisms, and opinions I have heard first, or second hand.

It's easy to develop moral blind spots, and I am sure I have them too, but and feeling rather fragile for those walking these days, and am glad I can be a spare pair of hands occasionally...

They are a miracle, a precious gift, not always easy, but somehow, someway we have been designed and created for relationship, and a big part of that includes children...

Single. White. Female.

I started a writing course last week, and am supposed to be writing for 15 minutes every day. In a journal. This is going to have to do for tonight though. And in general, it's going to have to be wherever I can squeeze the time and space into the day currently. Tonight, I just want to comment.

Single White Female. That's, well, some of the titles once could label me as. I won't go into any others for now, and for the purposes of todays comment, will leave it at that. Mostly, I get on with life, I am who I am within the life I am living, and that's fine. It might not be what I would prefer in some cases, but hey, I am alive, happy, love God best, have awesome friends and family... what more could I want, hey?! Well, it may not be more, but it might just be different.

Last week, within the multiple elements, big and little, totally unrelated, I came to be feeling VERY single, and very much a female!!

What surprised me though was how rarely I notice it being pointed out through other peoples actions, choices and exclusions.

And it's also got me thinking about how we can never know how people feel about different life circumstances, positive or negative, but, usually it's the negative ones that are kept most close to heart... like trying and not being able to have children- which is the case for so very many, but often, so often, our random, flippant, unthought out comments can often be so painful to others- and we often have no idea of the impact and emotion behind it.

It has been a good wake up call that I am grateful for, and am glad I can use where I am for good!:)

Abundance

Tonight was home group, and a time in the week where once again I give thanks for the amazing church I go to!! As the months have gone on this year, I have slowly settled into church, a home group, helping out with more things, finding a place there.

I can't get over how special different aspects of it are, and how the take me by such surprise over and over again, when actually, it should always be like this, right? An overwhelming abundance of grace, genuine care for one another.... I love it!!

Anyway, home group started again this week, and it was so wonderfully refreshing to be there again. One quirky thing I happen to love is the worship. We will occasionally get out dark blue plastic folders, someone will play a guitar, and while I am there, I am also transported back to a place and group of other people who do the same thing, and used to do it in much the same way, often even with similar songs! Brilliant!!

Anyway, I have been thinking through all these things, of abundance, desert, lavishness, dryness, quenching, overwhelming grace and love, because, as I look into next week- the start of a new semester, I don't feel ready. It feels like I have been doing everything from a place of emptiness, taking snatches of breath where I could, rather than drinking deeply of God's goodness and grace.

Tonight I started reading a book about creativity in an effort to find ways to be operating out of a place of abundant love and grace, and home group really helped to kick start that journey. So, no matter what's happening, and how busy it was, is, will be, and dry the environments are that I reside in, I hopefully will find that place of abundance, no matter what my circumstances...!

Servant Leadership

There's different kinds of leadership, the roles, styles, and well, attitudes.


I have been thinking about how different people lead a bit today and how effective it is, and how powerful it is as a way of communicating to others!

At work there's different leaders, and different leadership styles, different attitudes, and different intentions.

I guess, as part of a team who are mostly Christian, and some, not Christian, the way leadership is excercised is an immensly powerful communicator, whether it's of a servant leadership nature, or directed. It seems that the servant leader is the most powerful in communicating God's love and grace, while other modes can tend to be less helpful. It's easy to stand on a pedestal and tell everyone else what to do, or what others have done wrong, but harder too, to get stuck in, and lead through loving first, doing first, and working it out together.

It's something I struggle with, and am humbled by, but it's the servant leaders who are around me that motivate me to keep trying, keep being humble, and keep seeing others for who they really are,and the beauty which is within each.

I miss

I have a friend who I trust, and I have a friend who I don't think trusts me. They are the same person, but the one who doesn't trust took over from the one I trusted, and I miss my friend.

No particular reason for it tonight, but they are my friend and I miss their presence and voice in my life.

Hopefully my friend will turn up again soon:)

The Story of the Bamboo

A great friend would often remind us that 'blessed are the flexible, for they shall not break!"

Madly reading text books for college, I came acros this Chinese folk tale that reminded me of her...

The Story of the Bamboo

During a fierce storm, the bambo bends every which way the wond blows, while the other trees (eg, Oak) stand straight and resist the wind. But after the storm the bamboo tree stands proudly, looking into the heavens and reaching for life, dreams and hopes. The other trees lie on the ground lifeless and without hope because they resisted the wind; they were not flexible and did not move with the wind.

Merge

A couple of weeks ago, we had a guest lecturer at college. She was great, and shared about a bredth of topics in quite a fast span of time. Topics covered included politics, aboriginal affairs, children, travel, poverty, Christianity... the list went on. It was a greatfew hours, and in the end was one of the most challenging lectures I have ever heard!!

In amongst it all, she managed to encompass my past, present and future... of what I thought I was leaving behind, am currently living, and would like to be living. It was only in the days that followed that I came to realise some things I really value- like being able to help people in need, faith and values I have comed to see as special in a whole new light.

I came out of that lecture absolutely wrecked all the way through. Much of that related to being in a very wealthy country, yet wanting to walk that balance of where I have been overseas, wanting to go further afield, and here too, but in the end was the crashing together of areas that I have kept very defined and seperate.

So, in amongst all the other things that goes on, is the slow piecing together of each area of life, and finding a new way to fit all the puzzles together into one, rather than leaving them as 3 distinct puzzles!

Shine on

I am reading a weekly devotion book at the moment, called Simple Compassion, byKeri Wyatt Kent. It's a great book, and I am really appreciating the simplicity, and simutaneous complexity of the topics she covers.


At one stage she quotes Marian Williamson, from her book, Return to Love saying....


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that mos frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.



It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."



I love that quote, but would love to understand how the whole of it works out in action! We can all shine, and live in confidence of who we have been created to be in Christ, but I don't know how our actions liberate others unless they have first received the awareness and confidence of seeing that they can shine to manifest the glory of God that is within each of us! One day, hopefully I will work it out!

I did buy a card this afternoon for a friend though, saying...


"the world needs your kind of strength, your passion, your humour, your creativity, your heart, your mind, your brilliance. Shine On."


Go Dayspring:)

Tuesdays

Tuesdays is currently my favorite day (weekday) of the week, though they all have good highlights. Tuesday though, there is a wonderful group who meets at work during lunch to do devotions together, and now, on Tuesday nights, I head north, for about an hour or more's drive, find a place to do uni work and eat, then head over to my new bible study!

I have been going to my new church for about 5 months now, and well... with any new thing, really don't like the who new routine, people, structure, getting to know you conversations and the like. But I recently decided that I was just going to go to a home group and be done with it, and it's fabulous! I am loving it, the people, the flow, starting to get to know a small group properly, and it's great! I am starting to get involved in different things that are happening too, and while it feels like it's a super slow process, it's happening. Things and involvement are slowly taking form and shape, and God has been showing me some amazing things for which I am truly grateful!:)

En route

I found out tonight that something I wrote is getting published into a booklet with a number of other Christian women. It is an incredibly humbling thing, because while I don't know everyone who is in it, I know who quite a few of them are, and they are the most amazing women.

I like writing when the urge takes me, and while I have no idea what the book will look like, I know what it is intended use is. I am also amazed that I was asked to contribute, considering that the journey that took me to that point started years ago, and once I had made a decision that, well took over a year in itself, it was nearly thwarted again in a most disasterous way. I am so glad to be where I am at, to have been brought this far, and so very grateful that, while I have no idea what the destination is for much of the current things I am involved in, I know that God does, so in all of it, the crazy essay writing and random work, I am glad to be able to trust him in it all!

Story Water

A story is like water
that you heat for your bath.
It takes messages between the fire
and your skin. It lets them meet,
and it cleans you!
Very few can sit down,
in the middle of the fire itself
like a salamander or Abraham.
We need intermediaries.
A feeling of fullness comes,
but usually it takes some bread
to bring it.
Beauty surrounds us,
but usually we need to be walking
in a garden to know it.
The body itself is a screen
to shield and partially reveal
the light that's blazing
inside your presence.
Water, stories, the body,
all the things we do, are mediums
that hide and show what's hidden.
Study them,
and enjoy this being washed
with a secret we sometimes know,
and then not.

-Coleman Barks (Translator), the Essential Rumi

The foolish and the wise

At church this morning, we were looking at Psalm 1- a wisdom psalm. It sparked a search for a comparison between what a fool is, and who someone who is wise is. I didn't have to go to far- went back through Psalm 1, and was stuck into Jeremiah where I am reading at the moment.

So, here's a list of a foolish person, and a wise person, from God's perspective. It's not complete by any means, but covers quite alot for a few chapters!!

The fool is...
Wicked
Keeps company with sinners and mockers
Is like chaff and will blow away..
Will fall at judgement
Will perish
Doesn't know God
Has no understanding
Is skilled at evil
Doesn't know how to do good
Has no sense
Is foolish
Doesn't know God's ways
Doesn't see, hear or fear God
Is selfish, doesn't care for those in need.


The wise person.....
Is skilled at good
Is righteous and knows God
Has good sense
Deals honestly with others
Seeks truth
Delights in the Law of the Lord
Meditates on it
Is like a tree firmly planted
Stands in the time of judgement
Is among the assembly of the righteous
God watches over them

So, while I am not wise by Sydney (media portrayed) standards, it seems- half the time, well, most of the time...... hopefully I am definately not a fool by God's standards! I am so glad for God's truth, grace and how overwhelmingly and lavishly he loves us!

New Blog

As if we need another new blog, especially now people have moved on to notes in Facebook, and twittering, but I need more room than than, so have begun again..:)

So, introducing Soul Beloved!