God words and promises

I was re-listening to several talks the other day- mostly from the beginning of this year. Something that struck me though was that as I listened back over prayers prayed, and looking forward into 2012, it was amazing to look back and see answered prayers, fulfilments of God's word in different ways.

In particular, one talk focussed on receiving promises, words from God and in it, asked for each one of us listening to be people who receive words from God. I haven't often received those, and in particular, not often had people come up to me with something that they have felt is from God. So, it has been immensly encouraging to see that happen on three occasions particularly stand out occastions this year. They have been entirely random (in an amazing, non-random God way), unique, and awesomely encouraging, and so often have been a life line to me. There have been others too, and other situations, pictures, words, encouragements and they add to the collective picture God is painting.

And while I don't know how any of it will turn out, they have anchored me to Him so often, and no matter what has been going on or I haven't understood, have invited me back to Him each time in a way only He can do.

So, I am looking forward to continuing forward, to seeing specific words fulfilled, and to be able to look back and see others in their fullness. And challenged to in the words I say to people all over again- challenged to speak in and through God's love for God, and for them.

A new look

I love the place where this pic is taken, the view, outlook, I am even ok that not all my memories of that place are good- in fact, there's one that really should never have happened, so it's a redeemed place, a place where I can go and get good God perspective, pictures and a new vision for what's going on.

I love standing on high places where the wind is blowing wildly, love that you can't help but feel something. In a world where we are so often protected, protective, polite (not that it's necessarily bad), but at a safe distance, it can be rare that we can be truly honest, safe, vulnerable, and able to stay truly connected with others in ways that wants the best for all involved, in a way that is honour giving and received. I love the feel of the wind blowing wildly- like surround sound, but fuller, because it's God who stirs up the wind in that way. I feel alive, real, connected.

And on this visit got thinking about the departure from that place. There were 3 different options- jump- nope, not really ideal, turn around and walk away, or fly. How awesome would that be, to rise on the wings of a bird and take off... Actually, psalm 139 comes to mind...

7Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.

And there we go, Emmanuel, God with us:)

Going away tomorrow, well today, and I am looking forward to time with God and friends, a new vision for 2013 and all God has placed in my hands, and 'on my watch'. It's not been easy to get here, and things I tried so hard to avoid happened anyway, so trusting it all, all back to God, because He knows, knew, is knowing now:) bring on fresh visions, and His courage and strength in it all to go the full distance:)

Love is...

In the interests of brevity, I have included most of 1 Corinthians 13, though only the bits that have stood out to me tonight (as opposed to other times I have read it!)

1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal….

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. ….

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I was thinking of these this evening through a conversation. I generally avoid these particular conversations as much as possible, as I don’t have the words to meet the tirade of anger…against God, the church, Christians.. you name it. And when the other person who is a studied intellect who just ‘knows’, there’s no way out and no ‘come back’ using words that I can find. Definitely not by matching it.

I wonder how love never fails when it’s not met, received and reciprocated, but when it is truly love that is patient, kind, rejoices in truth, protects, trusts, hopes, perseveres….  But in that lies the mystery and the wonder of it all.  And as with people like tonight, love, in all its facets, in whatever form, won’t fail, and will remain after all else has indeed gone.

Think, speak, do.

Confucious has  a saying that I was kinda thinking of recently. His goes: I hear and I forget, I see and I remember, I do and I understand...

 Have been thinking of a variation of that which goes along the lines of thinking, speaking out, doing.... I've noticed recently the power of speaking out something, whether in passing, or intentionally, and the knock on effect of that. For one instance, I've realised I have been making comments... and then realising that if it was time to do something about them, so got on and done it (ahh, I should make a list!:)). They could easily be ignored, or left alone, but having dealt with them, I have felt so much better for it, and grateful for the indirect challenge and sudden responsibility to not let things go.

And for another, it has been a challenge/blessing when others have seen things happening, or different, and been gently feeding into what God is doing and keeping the challenge and the words that have been spoken out, alive and gently burning.

Isn't it funny how easy it is to stay in our own comfort zone where it's known, easy and friendly, rather than to step out into something where we don't know how it will turn out or what might happen. But, chances are we're going to be pleasently surprised!!:)

Tapestry

Tapestry's are an amazing thing. Standing back from one you see one picture, landscape, theme. Up close, there's a myriad of colours all woven together. You see where colours come together in different ways, and blend to make a new colour entirely, and where they separate into a new space.
Life is often likened to being like a tapastry, of seeing the way different elements give shape and texture, but to me, life is in the people, not the things, or events. It's in the relationships.

And within that lies a stupid amount of fear. Of being the foolish one, of placing too high a value on the place and importance of others in my life, and being let down. Of being taken for granted and for only what I can give. But then it's bringing things into the light that shows them for what they really are. Takes trust in God that goes beyond what I often feel like I have, and yet, He knows and is always trustworthy.

In thinking about tapestries this last week, I had initially been struck by some black holes, gaps of sorts. Some I have known about, while others were a revelation. Some are ones I have seen growing and want to deal with now, while some are ones that are growing because I'm afraid. Falling back into old habits of thinking is insulting, to me and to those around me, so look forward to living in what there is here, now and trusting God with all the rest, because while I have no idea what the finished tapestry looks like, He does.

And sitting in a cafe in the city, looking around and seeing some Christmas decorations- post it notes with Christmas wishes on them, among them Verses from Gods word and 'God loves you'!:)

He's far bigger than we think He is, but not too big that a single person is overlooked:)

The five love languages

I have a good friend who has been reading the 5 Love Languages recently. She hadn't really heard of them until, and was reading the book, before passing on the relevant bits to her boyfriend (who wasn't likely to read the whole book!). Anyway, in the course of a few weeks, we had some great chats about it, past experiences and what did and didn't work. Doing the questionairre with her, I started thinking about where I was at with it all. The last time I did it, I was in a very different place, different life, situation, and surrounded by very different (immediate) people.

As I thought about that, I realised that while one of the love love languages was far and away the one that most resonated with me, my views on all the others had changed. Some of that being because I have changed, and others are because circumstances and the availability of one or more of the love languages has changed.

You can do the test online, so I had another go to see how it had all changed, and changed it had. Not hugely, because quality time is still far and away the winner, but the rest were more balanced out, which reflected where I think I am at with them all.

They're all important, and all show love, in the giving and receiving. But the other four don't really mean much to me without the quality time already established, and yet when the quality time is established and maintained, the others mean a great deal. And even that looks different depending on the people I spend time with, and how often I have the opportunity to spend the time with them. But to me the best love language is knowing others well and deeply, and equally being known.

Honour and Respect

I have come across a couple of comments today about Honour and Respect over the last day or so which have really stood out to me.

Honour is a step above respect... you can respect someone without honouring them, but you can't honour someone you don't respect? Brian Houston

And in a note that Bobbie Houson published this evening...

Honour is never silent
Respect can be silent/passive
Honour is felt
Honor goes the second mile

I have seen honour lived out a bit. In occasional marriages of people I know, or know of, and amongst christian leaders on Social media and via talks I have heard. It's pretty amazing to see, to see one person talk consistently and intentionally about another, of putting them forward and encouraging each other in pursuing the gifts and talents God has given them within the place they have been given to live in, whether it's in leadership, or wherever.

I love seeing both lived out, because they can seem so rare, but are such an awesomely beautiful thing to behold, and hope that I can live both out more and more, no matter where I am, who I am with and what values others might hold. I think of times when I don't respect or honour another, and it would be when I feel unsafe, or have been hurt, or am afraid of something, being judged, not heard or not valued in some way, and that phrase once again comes to mind- 'keep your love on'. Of holding on to the positive perspective in a situation, of choosing to love the person even though it's hurting to do so. Because it will all be ok in the end, even though it doesn't feel like it in the moment, and ultimately we don't know what the big picture is.

Bring on more love, respect and honour, of new ways of encouraging and equipping others to live in the fullness of all they have been made to be, of living hearing God's perspective of who they are and how they are loved!:) There's room for all!!

Impossibles becomming miracles

I have been thinking ALOT about a theme incredibly similar to the following image (by the lovely Ann Voskamp, agan!:)- if you haven't popped over to her blog, it's so well worth it- if you're interested in God, Grace, Thanksgiving, children, faith, farming, homeschooling, the list goes on!)

Anyway, what I have been thinking about has been more along the lines of 'Into the middle of the impossible- comes the Messiah who makes miracles possible' Any impossible situation no matter how big, small, rediculous, impossible.

I love the reminder. That no matter how far reality is from what we would like it to be, we have a God who is bigger, loves more, has a better plan that goes far beyond our wildest dreams or imagination.

Having seen a few awesome answers to prayer, and recalibrations within myself, I am loving seeing yet again God's creativity and a glimpse of his perspective of me, and those around me. I know I am impatient to see the impossibles turn into lots of miracles!!

God's plans for us

I have the following image as my screensaver on my phone at the moment (Gotta love technology!). I love this passage, and dislike its overuse- knowing that in so many situations, this is the verse of choice- especially Jeremiah 29:11. Jeremiah 29:12-13 though, has always been amazing and challenging. Lesser known, I have always loved/been challenged by the concept of seeking God, anything/anyone with all my heart- and He will be found when we will seek him. And within that comes the intimacy, relationship, depth that comes from laying it all out there.

And yet, it follows that passage that God has a plan (not a vague idea, concept or notion) for Me (and this is the kicker. It's for me, as well as you, as well as people who don't know him, as well as everyone)- and not just for everyone else, as I so often expect or assume. Looking on the face of things, it can seem so clear that it's for everyone else first and I need to make way for their plans before mine, and yet that's not the case. God has a plan for you. For me. For wholeness, for a future and a hope.

And that leads into a whole lot of thinking about wholeness and fragmentation, but am going to save that for another time:)

God really can do anything

Have had a weekend away from computers (for the most part!) and apart from the planned Christmas shopping, have only missed blogging really.

God is doing a whole lot of things right now (not that he's not always!), but it's giving my life a shake-up, that's for sure. So much I don't understand, and while I am loving it, the more things unfold, the more I don't understand. All fine and good- it's in good hands.

And then there's the really random conversations and comments, and situations that you downplay, and one thing happens after another when finally you realize that there's big change afoot and before you know it you're on a journey that you totally didn't expect. A truly random phone call on the way home from church (which I have now called work twice tonight!) delivered the possibility of yet a whole other vision for next year, which is likewise completely exciting. God is amazing, stretching tent-pegs and beyond my wildest hopes or imaginings.

And so, as I pray about a whole lot of impossible things and events, have added two people who I find impossible to believe would love Jesus with their whole hearts....but going to pray and see what God does.

Ephesians 3:20 comes to mind yet again. Pretty awesome, and so humbling.

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

Glory to God in the church!
Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus!
Glory down all the generations!
Glory through all millennia! Oh, yes!

Thanksgiving

Today it's thanksgiving- in certain parts of the world. I love this day, and all the God-values it holds, but also the food and many of the traditions that the American thanksgiving gets to celebrate, not that I have ever celebrated it in America... but the bits that non-Americans, and Americans away from home have celebrated have always been fun!!

This week has been slightly off kilter. Things have been normal, but not quite. work has been normal, but not...home, myself and attitudes... all slightly changed. I guess that's the thing with this kind of clean out- living in the new, and not falling back. Live with  the expectation of who God is and all He has done. As I had got ready for this clean up, I had made a list of things I was hoping to sort out. It wasn't exhaustive by any means, and and while it covered things I was hoping to sort out, I was looking forward to seeing what God did in it all, and that was really awesome to see. He went deeper and broader in ways I couldn't imagine or fathom.

So, this week, giving thanks for what is, was, will be in future and appreciating more and more the 'here and now' with God.

Fun conversations in a day

There's some fun conversations that happen at work, covering faith, culture and norms and expecations in life. In an demographic where many of the people I work with are young women, who are newly married, are pregnant or with young children...so my marital status will often come up in conversation:)

A lovely muslim lady popped in to visit during her break today to say hi. She's someone I have been enjoying getting to know. We got to talking about children- and she's one of a couple there I know who have been starting to go to specialists to move the process along and amazingly they have been sharing with me. She was telling me a little about that then started asking me about if I had kids?...planning to?.. married?... engaged?...boyfriend?... the whole works:) And was quite shocked that I was as I am.

As she left though (having shared a saying about men where she comes from) she said she would be praying for me, so it was lovely to say back, mean it that I would be praying for her too. Really looking forward to meeting her baby- or at least know she's pregnant before she finishes studying!

I had an amazing weekend. Clearing out is good, God is amazing. There's alot to process, trust, entrust and take on board.

Getting ready

Planning a big clean up takes time, and preparation, especially when there's lots to do, and it's not necessarily straightforward..... you're not quite sure what order it should all be in, or how it's going to look at the end. Often clear direction, instructions and clarity are needed when you're trying to say what you want to do- what to keep, chuck, or re-arrange, and that's one area that I am not always good at. Usually the things to clean up are big, or more often, they go really deep, and I can't usually find the words to explain them, which means often I don't say anything at all, and the things that need sorted get left undone.

Am doing a clean up of sorts on the weekend, and started making a list of things I want to potentially sort out. Problem is, much of what's going to happen is unknown, and it's not really for me to say how it's going to look at the other end. There might be a completely different plan to what I am hoping, which is fine, because as always, it's likely to be far better than I could possibly hope for or imagine. I'm so glad God knows what's going on this week, and for this week, and way beyond:)

Blessed

There are days, and conversations when I realise how amazingly blessed I am, we are, in so many different, and creative ways. The last couple of days at work have been busy, full of people, challenges, needs, possibilities and I am so glad I get to work with them, and support them in all they are doing.

I was at a dinner last night, which was fine, but the conversations with Christians, with more than I have (materially), and probably smarter and higher paying jobs- whatever- but so missing out.... my breathe was taken away for a minute by the comment about 'illegal refugees', and 'positive' stories about the suburb I work in, and I was so sad that there were such limits on a person's understanding. And through through circumstances not my own, I am able to see the people who I work with for who they are. They are amazing, hope filled people who just want a chance to make a better life for their family, and children. And for some, they are happy with what's placed in their hands at the beginning, and that's a huge thing for them, while others want to challenge the boundaries and see how far they can go. They are pretty awesome people.

Deadlines

I was given a project at the beginning of the year... one that should have taken a month, tops. But, as with all projects so it seems, I did the immediate more urgent bit, that showed that something was happening, and then the rest has sat, rather inconceniently in the middle of where I live.... waiting to be finished.

And it has sat. Yesterday though, I was given a deadline, or I could just return it all unfinished. Problem is I really want to, and really di intend to finish it. And so, in a night when I am out every night, I will finish it!

It would be so nice to have a deadline to everything, or to know when a season will end, or when the thing or event you wait for is going to happen, so you can always be ready, always make time to do the things you so want to do now while you can, tell someone that important information, share that Good News. But with all important events, it seems we never really know the time or the place, or the moment, and so we need to make the most of now, because it's not going to last, and we will look back on this time and be grateful for it and appreciate the amazing people in it, and the things we have learned...

And I love that within it all, God's plans aren't our own, they are better, deeper, and beyond what we could ever hope or imagine, especially when he throws in a lovely handful of 'impossible'!!:)

Courage

 'It takes courage to expect the best. Anyone with unbelief can expect the worst'  Bill Johnson.

Read this quote this afternoon, and struck by the amazing implications of that, but for positive and negative. This morning was on leadership and how we respond to it, but also how the Israelites respond ed to it when they were about to enter the Promised Land. The saw teh hugeness and potential for danger and were afraid, rather than keeping their eyes on God, and expecting the best, for themselves and they whole company of people.

But it was Joshua who expected the best, who had the courage to trust God in each circumstance.

It's not fun stepping out and challenging expectations, but so rewarding when you do. God is good!

Waiting patiently

There are things I can wait patiently for, and things I can't. If there's a way I can do something myself, so I don't have to wait, it's likely I will find a way....

And then there's times when I have to force myself to stop.
And be still.
And wait.

Often I will find a way to jump in, and often it's too early, and I will well, sabotage whatever God has in store- or so it seems, and then there's times when I have forced myself not to do anything, and that can be the hardest thing in the world, especially when I just want to know what's going on...

As I was thinking about it today, it reminded me of why we fast sometimes, and the heart process we go through in giving up something, or even taking up something. We choose to turn in a direction contrary to the way we would naturally go, and it's uncomfortable, and awkward, and just feels too hard often, but it's amazing how God works in those times, or adjusts my mindset.

I have a few things I would really like to pick up, and put down this week, and look forward to the challenge of going completely against what I think I can do, and who I think I am...

God's business

One of the things that was said at Home Group this week was, essentially "Look after God's business, and He will look after yours".  While that's only come back to me this evening really, it's the story surrounding it that's had the impact, not to mention the challenge of looking after God's business- sticking close to him, and he will look after the rest....


Psalm 127 has been talked about a few times this week too- from home group to a work blog, which has been really cool, especially as it's been verses that have been highlighted each time, so it's been nice to sit with those alot this week.

Gifts given

One of my favorite blogs that I have been reading for quite a while now is One Thousand Gifts, written by Ann Voskamp. Among many other things, she counts gifts of grace through her day, life, and blog. The above image is by her.

This morning I was listening to a talk about worship, and realised that it's the second talk I have heard this week that spoke of King David in 2 Samuel 6 saying that he would gladly be this undignified in worshipping God.

It's got me thinking about what I think I can't handle, and what it would look like for me to look that undignified, of solely and completely unaware of myself, my place in worship of God.

Lots of questions have come out of it, and I guess it's time to start writing them down too, but not here. But for now, it's confronting to think about how I evade so many things, and for such reasons as I do. I wonder if it's worth it, and if not, what am I missing.

Reminders

I love how God reminds us, of who He is, of who we are in Him. Of his plans, and that, at times we shouldn't be looking always at our circumstances, but to Him, and sticking close to him always. 

At home group right now, we are sharing our stories, of who we are, and how we, well, came to be in that room. Awesome, and awesome to see that while we are all so different, there are so many similarities. Some stand outs are of how God pursues us, how he uses the most unlikely people and circumstances, and yes, England seems to feature quite strongly for quite a few of us!:)

I loved hearing the story about the below verses, and how, in the present here and now, there is one circumstance, while in God's reality, it's a whole other picture, and we can trust His picture over the reality we see. God is my strength and I can trust that and Him, even now!

Oaths and Promises

I had to take an oath this morning, in a Law Court, had a choice of taking the oath on the Bible or not and asking for God's help in it. For a public place, I thought that was pretty cool, especially as the area is known for other religions, and it was almost assumed that I was a Christian and would want to take the oath in that way.

There's promises and promises, and I am realising that there are a couple I may have made inadvertently, and for some, I have had to repent of them, and yes, because I didn't realise quite what I was doing, but there's one that stands out really strongly that I not only need to repent of, but need to do once more what I promised not to do ever again...and I will feel pretty foolish doing it, but who knows what the big picture will be, in the short and long term. But since God is God, and I am me, then it's all good:)

Faith is an act

Today had to be one of the most distracted days every...noticing it at morning tea today, there were many people I wanted to talk to, things to say, messages to pass on, and yet I knew it wasn't what I should be doing, so it was by sheer force of will at times that I stayed with what I was doing at the time.

It's frustrating at times, being in one place and wanting to be in another (not that where I was this morning wan't the right place to be and a place I wanted to be), and not be able to see a way through to the other place- too many impossible situations, and yet, the potential for the awesome, the possibilities once in those situations is awesome.

There were times in the day when I was wondering where the peace had gone, and yes, it was there when I went looking for Jesus in those moments, and at times had to find the words for good friends who were being awesome friends.

And have just read the coolest quote that is so right for this day...'When we believe God even the impossible becomes oportunity. Fath is an act.' (Todd Bently).

So, will keep walking in faith, sticking real close to Jesus, and trusting Him in the impossible:)

Words

I have been working on a project for my eldest niece's 7th birthday, which has been lots of fun, and very fiddly, but so worth it. She had asked for a canopy, so my sis had bought one, then asked me to decorate it. The brief was pink, baby blue, not too much purple (or her other sister would claim it), but other than that I could go for my life. 

In all the shopping and brainstorming, I found these gorgeous felt hearts, so decided some words were in order. Some are some of what her name means, others are ones I would love to her to grow into, one is borrowed, but they are all words that are of value, and I ones I want to speak over her, pray for her, and help her to grow into in years to come. 

It got me thinking about words we say over people, whoever they are, both intentially and unintentionally.... we can choose life words that build up a person, and support them growing into who they are created to be, and often that needs to be an intentional choosing to choose life... I think of tims when I have tried and failed to do that effectively, and other times, when it's just plain easy to say 'you're awesome', or 'well done'.

At other times, it can be easy to miss an opportunity, or miss the value of what they might be asking, or wanting to hear from you. 

And then there are the times when there isn't intention, and a negative picture is built around the words said. The ones most genuine are the ones that should be least listened to. 

We have the power to speak life giving words over each person who crosses our path, that's a whole lot of power and a whole lot of grace we have to give!:)

Gratitude

Feeling immense gratitude tonight, for what has been, what was tonight, for what is to come...

Many, many years ago, I actually memorized a psalm- a whole psalm! It's come back in a couple of ways this week, which is always good fun- but I love the picture of it all, especially that it's God who is my chosen portion and cup, He knows. 

Today(well, yesterday now!) was 'the birthday', and yes it was a good one. One of the really cool gifts received though, was the realisation that some of the things I value so highly in my English Family, happen here now... not in the same way, by any means, but with the same spirit and intention. I love that, and love doing life with friends, church, home group, and even my sister and her family, where God's love is at the centre. Feeling most grateful, and very blessed.

Faith, Hope and Love

And so faith, hope, love abide [faith—conviction and belief respecting man’s relation to God and divine things; hope—joyful and confident expectation of eternal salvation; love—true affection for God and man, growing out of God’s love for and in us], these three; but the greatest of these is love.

1 Corinathians 13:13 (Amplified)

One of the questions I was asked last night, was along the lines of 'What is a Characteristic of God that stands out to you?' and the one that emerged fairly quickly was Hope. That's often been a theme, whether in HK, or here in different ways. I love that it's such a mystery, yet we can recognise it when we see it. I did an assignment once on hope in Marriage, investigating what Hope was- in a research context, and it was amazing to see how they discovered some of the different elements. 

Love has been a recent attitude changer in the last, well, this year... And Faith... while I kn ow what it is to be faithful, (and loveing and Hopeful for that matter), It's been hard to define, so I am glad that the above verse expands on each word to help us see more of the fullness of it all. 

Pretty awesome!

Our Story

Home group tonight, and this time it was my turn to share.
We're telling our story's right now, and wow, there's some good ones in our lovely group, and yes, tonight was timely and fun. It was such an encouragment to share, especially when mine is so different, and yes, while there are significant things that haven't happened, there are some awesomely amazing, beyond expectations for someone with such poor prospects coming out of high school.

Anyway, I was reminded tonight that while it's my story, it's actually God's story, and that's what makes it special- even before I had any idea, looking back His hand was clearly in situations, even the darkest most hopeless. I remember in the year after I finished school, someone randomly inviting me to explore a new opportunity, and feeling like all the lights had come on, and the answer, the absolute right answer had just presented itself right on time, was just amazing. And it was perfet and changed my life as it was forever.

I love that there's 3 country's involved, 7 significant people, countless other people and one awesome God. And always, a trip to London!:)

And it's been special too, to run into people over the last week who have been part of that story- a mum from the school I used to work at years ago- the child I used to look after is now about to finish high school, and today at a work conference sitting with someone who turned out to be one of the kids from my church years ago, and I am fairly sure I was one of her youth group leaders!

God is good!:)

The split again

Have been thinking about splits again today, and yes, while some, or alot can be me and my choice to react in a certain situation, there's also circumstances that one must adapt to just to cope.

And perhaps there are times to say it's not ok, and time for me to take responsibility for my choices, and start taking action for some of the things I am responsible for. And if they are my responsibility... guess it's time to give myself permission to be intentional about them too.... was glad for a restful, though crazy full day today. But took steps to get rid of some precious boxes today, and that felt rather good:)

And now am so tired I feel sick. That's a good thing, isn't it?!:)

Fun with the cream

Soooo.. after a fairly extreme weekend, full of really goods and really bads, and really, really not looking forward to this week, out all but one night in the next 7 days, an interesting work week, blah.

Anyway, I went back to the first blog in this 'series', and realised the last comment was rather a good one!:) The challenge was to have fun with the cream, dense fillings, taking time to recognize, stop, pause for a while and savour the sweet taste.

Anyway, it's been nice to look back, and yes, it's so there, in the conversations, prayers, Church, people, things I'm reading, worship I am listening to.

I was at an event last night with some people from church, and ran into the person who had come and given me a word  a couple of weeks ago. It had been overwhelming in it's lavishness, to the point where I don't really know what to do with it. He ended up telling me some of his story, and how he came to have such a gift- and what an amazing gift it is- receiving words for people (more often at work than elsewhere), and once delivered, he forgets them and can't remember them. Pretty special. Was lovely to get to know him better, but hear how God works through him.

So, expecting this to be a fresh start, of seeing God continue what he has started, and bring them to fullness in Him, and yes, will go into this week expecting it to be an awesome one, and look forward to all that's ahead for this coming year!

Stop

So, how many people like feeling uncomfortable? Awkward? Not in a safe zone? I certainly don't, and find that most of the time I want to disappear and be as far removed from the situation as possible. There's times when I get to sit in an uncomfortable conversation, or situation, that you can't leave, but have to sit with, or sit with someone through a process, and that's ok. There's the challenge of staying connected through that, and special to see unexpected outcomes.

Going on a journey can involve being uncomfortable, and that's ok. We learn so much out of these times, about ourselves, and others as they respond. I was reminded tonight that disappearing would work well for me, or not owning up to something,and thinking about when you don't own up to things you're not proud of.... the shame takes over rather. And then it's a whole horrible cycle all over again. We're so easy to judge ourselves, and well, place infinately more 'value' on the negative rather than positives.... I think I would vastly prefer to be honest, own up to mistakes and deal with them rather than pretending they don't exhist, while all along feeling rather ashamed...

I still have an awful lot to learn.

I don't know

Have you every said ‘I don’t know’ in a public situation? It’s an amazing thing to behold- the immediate and longer term implications. There are so many things I don’t know, and so many things of God that I wonder at and really, really don’t know. And I’m ok with that. But here and now, ‘we’ are supposed to have all the answers, the direction, the plan.

God is so beyond our understanding, and it’s challenging to walk into more of the unknown with Him. But it’s exciting too, liberating, and really special. I want to hold onto those moments tightly, but know too that they will not be held but received with open hands.

I don’t know what God is doing, but know it’s good. So glad for reminders, for seeing words received take shape, for being more deeply aware of his goodness.

It's an awesome wonder to behold to see God fill the unknown and see a glimpse again of his perspective, and understand all over again how awesome He is:)

Repairing the split

A few months ago a couple of random, completely non-related things happened, which got me thinking hard, and as a result I decided to take up an activity project as a commitment to stand in this season in a certain way. Sadly the project has largely fallen by the wayside, but the season has been good.

It got me thinking about why somethings happpen or don't, why I can process or take up an activity internally or not. It struck me that there is a split between the 2, that there are instances where it's a case of self preservation over vulnerability, openness, connectedness within my inner world and outer world.

There are some projects I can pick up and carry, and others I can't, but are, for example, part of caring for myself, and  to do all the other things, I know these should be a priority. There are moments when the divide meets, which is great and scary.

I guess it's seeing a divide in a new way, seeing moments when the divide has been crossed, and wanting to find ways to see it happen more... living authentically wherever I am, whoever I am with..

Keep your love on

One of my favorite speakers is Danny Silk, from yes, Bethel in Redding, California. One day I will get there, but till then, I will go to as many conferences as I can when they are here and listen to their weekly talks online.

He and his wife are strong advocates for family life, and creating a culture of honour. I have read his book, Culture of Honour a couple of times now, and been to the conference- which gave a whole other perspective.

With creating that culture of Honour, and working with children, a big element is maintaining the love connection, even when one person stuffs up, whether big time, or little, how do you maintain the love and relationship connection?? It's pretty awesome how he explains it, and how you see it lived out with different people. I know that when I am in contact with people who live it out, it's always, well, almost jarring, it's so surprising, and safe, refreshing, and they are easily some of the people I most enjoy spending time with.

I was listening again to one of Danny's recent talks, and he was talking about being fierce, and how one lives like that. He described Fierce as 'untamed bravery'- it's the over and above, stepping out beyond yourself, your insecurities and 'can'ts' to love others beyond yourself, your concept what you can do, for their benefit, whatever that might be.

So often it's when we're afraid, or feeling unsafe that our love 'comes off', that we become afraid, and act out of a place of fear, self preservation, protection and defensiveness, which can have a hugely negative effect on the relationship. So, keeping your love on even when you're scared can be a challenge. It's a hugely vulnerable place to be, but pretty awesome when you realise you're in a safe place too!! So, working hard to keep my love on at the moment, even when I don't understand and I don't feel safe- though it's been so worth it in a few situations!!:)

God's promises

God's promises are so awesomely amazing!! Having had a few 'words' given to me over the last few months that have been surprising, and super encouraging, even when I haven't understood them (or even when the giver was more freaked out by the word than anything...:)), it was a a really special moment a week ago at church when someone came up and gave me something that was a promise, and almost a bringing together of many other key events that have happened over the last few months. It has caused me to wonder at it all, and ask alot of questions, but also been a challenge to pray what God has said and not read into it what's not specifically there- the potential confirmations.

Wonderfully Phil shared on promises at church last week, which was rather awesome timing. I loved that he then got people to write down promises that they felt they had received from God, and that many were about God never leaving us, always being close, of his overwhelming love, and the intimacy of relationship.

God's promises are ones we can believe, no matter what, He doesn't change his mind, He is always faithful, and will always keep the promises He has made. I loved the reminder too that we can embrace them, not be defined by our human limitations and perspectives, they are framed in God's timing, detail, and process. And in it all, we can trust and obey that he is worthy, has the absolute best interests at heart for each of us, that when JEremiah 19:11 says He knows the plans for us, it's for each of us, not just 'us' out there...

Too often I lose sight of the right perspective, so it's nice to come back to where it is, with God's promises.

Jenn Johnson on God speaking to us.

I went to a worship evening a few weeks, ago, with my favorite worship pastors at the moment, Brian and Jenn Johnson. Part of the evening included them telling their story. The comment that Jenn made that stuck out enough to write it down was the following:

‘ All the confirmations in the world are great but mean nothing until God speaks to you about it’

As someone who can connect things, coincidences and circumstances like a dot to dot drawing in such a way that the turtle actually looks like a princess, it has been a beautifully freeing thing to treat things as they are, rather than judging a situation, or series of events, but take the things that God has been speaking to me about, and trust them back to him… pretty awesome of Him, pretty hard at times to trust, especially as I want to revert back to old habits so often.

Love how God uses situations in ways completely unexpected!!