500 Blogging Miles

It's a very noisy world, and often we can't hear ourselves over the din and racket, or we have closeted ourselves away, hiding behind busyness, headphones, or so busy talking about stuff that fills the air, we miss the moments when we can lay down all the walls, and protective armour that has been put up to hide our true selves away from others. All others.

Blogger says that this is my 500th blog, and so with that, it felt like a good time to do a little reflecting on the reflecting that has taken place here. It has covered three countries mainly....though at least 2 others have featured, I think! Many years, experiences, friends, learnings.

There has been a lot of heart break and heart ache with all kinds of people, but the lasting threads, themes and colours that shine are of God's love, faithfulness, and constancy. And in the mending there has been strengthening, leading, growing and amazing people. It's a continuing journey. I am not where I thought I might be, but am where God wants me now. 

The main reason I started to write all those years ago was because I like to journal, but there is an additional challenge to make it a public journal (inasmuch as this is public still...). For me the challenge was to process something enough in order to make it public, to get to whatever the issue was, rather than an event or issue- this didn't always work, but mostly...anyway. There were times when it was a way of keeping me accountable, to a time, or marking the days, or journey and the processes of whatever it was I was going though. This last season has gone far longer than intended, but has also grown and developed since I first started, and I wonder too if it has become the foundation from which so many other things have developed and grown- so, so many things have changed since then too!!

Mostly though, this came about as a way to journal my reflections in a different way to a journal does; to create a space to share with those who chose to find me, who wanted to stop and listen.

Since I started, I have trained as a counsellor, which, mostly is listening to people's story. To have someone stop, heed, pay attention to, and listen to your story is such an amazing thing, and such a rare gift, especially, unlike counselling, when it is a mutual dialogue. And can be found in the most surprising (or not!!) of places- and super frustrating when found far, far later than it should have been.

Has it helped?? Yes. I have appreciated it when friends have checked in and followed things up- in my life, but at the same time, not assumed they knew what exactly I was talking about. Would I change anything? No. It was always meant to be a space for me to be me. A starting point to share and be heard.

So, thanks. For the part you have play in my journey, whether big or small, whatever it has been. 

Thank you.

Fearless living

What would it look like if we didn't fear. At all. Ever. Of people, safe or unsafe- in all senses of the words, of circumstances and accidents....Of life, of good,things happening and the simple fact that God is in a good mood. All the time. He loves us. Has the best for us. Wants RELATIONSHIP with us... I was reading a mission statement today that was from another faith, but had clearly been 'borrowed' from Christianity. It was such a strange thing, because it was so very similar, and I knew where it had come from and was trying to achieve, and yet..... It was so very lacking in what we take for granted. There was absolutely no relationship with God- whoever they believe God to be. In reading through it, there was worship, a god, law, obligation, rites, but it was so empty. Fear.

One of the things that I was so struck by at the Good Friday service recently was the fear felt at different points. Of Judas and his actions, Peter denying that he knew Jesus, of the guards mocking someone and circumstances they didn't understand, of Pilate and Herod choosing what the crowd wanted rather than what they too knew to be right...the list goes on. But. Following the resurrection, the reconnection, finally knowing through and through, of understanding through and through who. Jesus. Is...they no longer acted in fear, and so often, they went to their death, because they were so fearless, they knew who they were, knew whose they were, through and through.

So, I have been thinking more this week about those things I am afraid of, and working out how to navigate them in a new way, because, I don't like myself when I act from a place of fear, quite honestly. So often it is relationship that is the instigator, and this time is no different. I have gone through big change, and forgot that relationships might change as a result. Fine when things have been enriched, but not so when things feel like they are slipping away... I want to respond. Out of fear and hurt, and that's not great. 

So, this week has been spent, thinking about living in the resurrection, as though it's all going to be fine, that it's Jesus whose promises I am trusting, and living in, and will endeavour to be faithful with the rest, and trust that God will fill in the gaps, holes, places where there could be hurts and fears, but look expect Gods promises to be released. As long as it is today, God is good, and he is faithful:)

It means fearless loving too.... A scary, awesome feat it would be, indeed!!

Exercising all those muscles...:)

As i have settled into this year I have been really challenged to do things differently. Some are relatively easy- they are clear and obvious changes that need to be made, or due to changing circumstances have naturally happened. Some are harder, and each decision is a choice to live, to think, to act in a certain way, but as I have exercised the will to live differently, it gets easier. Not all, by any means- some go completely against the grain, especially when it comes to relating to other people. Sometimes it's the 'not doing' that comes the hardest, but can be the most beneficial.

One of the topics talked a lot at one of the conferences was standing firm on God's words and promises in our lives and that of those around us. Often we can end up in situations straight after that can cause us to doubt God's word, and yet it's His word and promises we can stand so firmly on, no matter how crazy awesome or impossible sounding they seem to be. And so with that, there has been a lot of active exercising of my faith muscles in different ways,more trusting, and loving even when I just want to get really, really mad, or letting things go and enjoying more time with God, and finding new freedom in that.

Partnered with that, I may possibly have joined a gym which has given exercise a whole new meaning. I am loving it, loving that it can actually fit into the day, that already I feel stronger and able to do more than I thought I could. Not just some, but all of my muscles are getting the workout they need and are feeling the better for it. There are some areas that are feeling it though. I had an ankle injury when I was about 10 years old, which apparently still has issues... So boy, in all the exercising am I ever feeling that weakness!! But then, as with all weaknesses, it's in the stretching and using that new strength comes.

Which is why we pray, we use the gifts we are given, we give away what we have, because its in that we are all blessed, have the opportunity to see how much God has for us, and for others through us. So often we just have no idea what we are capable of doing, and it's in exercising what we have 'now' that we can look back and see just what amazing things God has done in and through us...

Jeremiah 31:3 Came to mind at the Good Friday service last week. At a stop in the various stations we were moving around as we remembered this day, we came to a series of tables, like a restaurant. We were invited to sit down, like we were sitting down for a lovely meal with Jesus, and invited to think of what the conversation might be like. Immediately the phrase 'see, I have loved you with an everlasting love....' Came strongly to mind. And in taking communion as we were sitting there, we had the tangible reminder of how everlasting that love is.

And in reading through Jeremiah 31 later, both experiences come to mind.

Jeremiah 31:2-3 (especially, but not exclusively!)
Thus says the LORD:
"The people who survived the sword
Found grace in the wilderness;
When Israel sought rest,

The LORD appeared to him from far away.
I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.


Keep on keeping on:)