Values and relationships

I read the first chapter to Don Miller's new book, Scary Close- a silly thing because, well, I only have the first chapter and really would like to read the rest. Now.

He mentions how he relates with people and how his then fiancé related to them, and wow, what a breath of fresh air. Her relationships are one she works on, invests in, fights for. They are not a negotiable to her in their importance and value, and they know it and respond accordingly. In a year where I have struggled to communicate where I am at, have had relationships change, been ranted at, but not allowed to have a conversation, I have had to ask a lot of questions about myself and of the people I am around. How does one live a life of trust and deep relationships, of connections and value for who we all are. How do we seek to understand each other's perspective? I realised recently with one friend, that I have believed what they have said, but am still looking to trust them, because their actions are different to their words. And where is the responsibility for me to trust others? What are my parameters and boundaries. And what is theirs? And what if I need to just take the leap and trust? But what if too, they are just untrustworthy? Is my desire for relationship with certain people misplaced and it's time to take a good hard look at who is actually trustworthy, or the relationships I should actually invest in? Or take a leap and trust them and see what you learn in the process. I am not good at letting go though, and those relationships that are long and deep are so important to me.

I can choose who I am, and how I will choose to treat others, and myself. They are valuable, and so am I, and none of that changes whether they have different expectations of our relationship than I. But I have a choice then too. I want to fight for them, but that takes a mutual choice to work towards a common goal and value.

I can still be me though, and live out my values as well as I can though, and remember that relationship, of whatever kind, is a choice between two or more people, and trust them with their part.