I am in the mood for some good news stories
right now. They aren’t too hard to find for the most part, but it would be so
nice to hit some real goals sometimes. I know there is the general happy, all
is well and generally swimming along nicely kinda thing, but I am in the mood for seeing some dreams come
through, answers to prayer, happily ever after’s, perfect job opportunities, businesses
flourishing, answers to questions, to prayers, the over and above lavishness of
a Heavenly Dad who loves us all so!
I am quietly trying to get through a quiet
implosion right now. Trying to avoid the explosion and drama, the extra mess on
top of the current mess that only I can then clean up. It’s a slow deep
breathing process, full of long hard looks at all the good things going on, the
decisions I can make, to make things better, for now, and the future, a good
outcome for all, for a finishing well of chapters.
Trying to come to terms with the
understanding that while others might be ok with a certain situation- I . AM.
NOT. And… that’s ok! There is generally the sense that ‘they ‘ are fine with
something and feel it’s ok and therefore I should to, when in actual fact, I’m
not. I can put up with stuff for a while, but in the end, I have a choice to
make and so do they. I suppose this comes up in all kinds of situations- living
arrangements, relationships, communities, work, you name it. Often I get the
impression that we are supposed to put up with something just because we have
already, and should go on, or because it doesn’t bother others in the way it
does to me. Something I am learning slowly is that in all areas of life, I have
to answer for what happens with it, for the energy expended, and how I get
through it in a way that’s not with a negative outcome. I often get reminded
that while Jesus got mad, he didn’t sin. And that looks different in different
situations. What it might look like to one person may look completely different
to others, but I can only account for myself, the choices I make and do the
right thing by everyone inasmuch as I can.
I appreciate that we are all different.
There’s moments (yes, lots!!) when I wish we saw the same way, did things the same
way, valued things (and people) the same
way, but in the end we don’t. We are all created unique, and in the image of
our creator. In His infinite wisdom he
chose us to be unique and to live in community.
It’s not perfect by any means, but we are all the richer for it. And our
living in community will change with the seasons and times. We are always
growing and changing in some way. Something I am finding I am having to learn
is to be ok with myself not being ok with a situation. Often I feel that we
should be able to make the best of each situation, or work through something to
the desired outcome, but that’s not always the way it will be. Being just one
of the people in a relationship, or community, there’s only so much sway each
of us carry. It’s not a failure or defeat to acknowledge it’s time to walk away
from something, no matter how much we would like it to be something else so we
can stay.
We can always only do what we can and sometimes
that means doing something different with our time and energy, with ourselves. I
don’t think I like the bits of myself that don’t stay till the positive outcome,
result or happily every after. Walking away feels negative. But maybe it’s
positive too, even though, in the moment, it doesn’t feel like it. That while I
value things like faithfulness, perseverance, love, in the end not everyone
gets equal access to our lives, and others make their own choices too that I,
in turn have to live with, even as they live with mine.
Sometimes in the stepping out, we discover
more of God in us, and through us with those around us, in a whole new and
delightful way…
And yes, those good news stories. Bring
them on in all their messy gloriousness!
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