Fear in action and choosing some alternatives...

Fear is a funny beast. It rears its head in unexpected and surprising ways. In some cases its in the unexpected situations, or you're in the middle of doing something or a season and something makes you stop for a moment and look around. You realise what you're standing in, or on and wow, it looks scary! In a season where some big things are going to change, I have been looking forward to the possibilities, the hope, the exciting things to come. Everything I am planning change for may happen, or it may not, but for some things, it's the biggest, riskiest changes ever, in many ways. I am trying hard to not count the days till they happen, but to savour what is, but as I realised this weekend, that's all dependant on what's to come being better than what is....

I have hopes for so many things in the season to come. Of the friendships to be strengthened, the new opportunities, the space and freedom it will hopefully bring.

I was on the phone last week with a friend, and following it was thinking about some of the places we went to in the conversation, and realised there's a bunch of things I am worried will happen there as a result of a few things that have been happening here (good things). And that's just one area of life. As I travelled through the weekend, having had that 'conversation' with myself, I started thinking about other areas where I am afraid or worried. What if the broken friendship is never going to be healed, ever, and this is it? What if all that's to come isn't all it's cracked up to be, and I end up more isolated rather than more connected? What if friendships go in different directions what what I hope for, or as I go on in life as a 'single' it will become less convenient to be included by others and vice versa, of being told 'you can't' rather than 'you can', of not being enough, The questions and fears kinda went on and on, and one fear has fed another, till I got to Sunday night and fitting in one last job before the end of the weekend. As I was doing it, the worship music went on and I realized I had a choice to fester on all the could, or might go wrong, or I could pray. I certainly didn't have the words, so am grateful for other ways of speaking to our Heavenly Dad, so that's what I did.

As I did, the picture of Peter walking on water came to mind. Picturing how that must have been, or having his eyes on Jesus, and focussed on him, the looking around and realising the enormity of his circumstances would have been pretty confronting, and yet, he was safe. Peter said to Jesus, 'Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water'. He said 'come'. Matthew 14:28-29. So simple, that's all it took.

Later I was thinking about all the enormous things happening and to come and was reminded of the Israelites when they first looked at the promised land. They had the choice to look at what might go wrong, or at what Gods promises and plans were for them all. I have that same choice. And I can't choose now, today, this week, this month, this season. God is good, and has good plans for us, and while I am right in the thick of all that is going on, its so big, and pretty darn scary, but that's not the end of the story, and it's not really an option to turn back now, without pretty woeful results, so. Am choosing hope, choosing to believe God's goodness and even in his promises- the big and the little, will choose love, will choose that things will come good,  will choose to trust God and God in the changing circumstances.

God speaks to Joshua 1:7-9 saying, 'only be strong and very courageous, being careful to do according to all the law that Moses my servant commanded you. Do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may have good success wherever you go. This Book of the law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.

I will choose that. Though I will probably need reminding every so often, even if it doesn't look like that on the outside:)