Counting fish, faith and seeing the sun rise

Am reading a blog post about a group of women reading John 21, of the disciples gone fishing, Jesus coming to find them and invite them into the new journey. 

"We'll, there's the fact He asks us to trust him when it feels like we've been in a long night and caught nothing and we will trust Him, do what he says, when he asks the unconventional of us: 'Throw your net on the right side of the boat"....  (Ann Voskamp)

She notices they have counted the fish, counted the blessings, seen and lived out hope and faith in the one who has given all. Even when there was no reason to continue.

I was reading James 1 yesterday like it was the first time- all of it- no sub headings. What if we carried faith like that- above and beyond the 'natural', seen, reasonable to believe for. What if we carried God's word in such a way that we got through the long night to the dawn of the next day and all it holds. Seems impossible and often relentless, but am so glad for the pockets of refreshment, and restoration, and just enough encouragement to carry on. We are gifted with glimpses of what is to come even if it is above and beyond your wildest expectations of what God might want to do in and through you, for you, or task you to go out and do.

 But. What might be risked, and possible in God's revelation and abundance.......???? 

Whatever and whenever, it's going to be worth the wait!

James 1

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

9 Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. 10 But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. 11 For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.

12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Saying stuff

I saw my nieces on the weekend- and the meeting place, was the toiletries section of their local woolworths, of all places, which meant there was me and 3 gorgeous little girls in a heap of cuddles on the floor! 

You can't do that with too many people! There were plenty of hugs, kisses, 'I Love you's', 'you're awesome', and so on. 

I was thinking about how I talk to the kids in my life, compared to the adult people in my life. So often it seems you have to filter it through what's appropriate to say, safe to say, because they might have a different perspective. Friends, even close friends or best friends can still be a chasm apart from where family, a husband or wife might be in your relationship. And perhaps that's why being single can feel so isolated- there isn't anyone you can be completely free with in your positive affection.

So often it feels that to love, and express love requires a response as a result, or is giving power to the other, which may or may not be a good thing, depending on what they do with it. We are so used to giving, or receiving love that is conditional, or laden with expectation, and there aren't too many times when it is truly given freely. Often I withhold out of fear, and wonder how often others withhold from me. 

Too often it all feels like a poker game. Don't give or reveal anything, don't show your cards, play to win at all costs, at the expense of the others playing. The person who holds out the longest holds onto the most. And the one to share their true feelings ends up with egg on their face.

And for others it can be the journey of learning to love freely, unconditionally, with no expectation of return- unless the other chooses to, and wants to journey with the other in this way. It's a scary, awesome wonder to behold, when you step into that place of trust, not knowing where it will lead, but step by step, the leap of faith into the unknown- beyond the fear of being vulnerable- in that journey of walking together in life.

The Bible says that perfect love casts out all fear, that we are called to love The Lord our God and love our neighbours as ourselves. It's counter cultural, and and makes me go wow every time I see or experience it happening....because its always then that I realise how incredibly rare and precious it is, and oh, so worth fighting for, no matter what!!

Dreams

I recently started writing a list of things I would love to do. One day. There are so many things I enjoy doing, or would like to do. There are things I simply can’t make happen, or need other specific people to come along to help bring a dream to a reality, and while I would love to do everything Right Now, it’s simply not possible. It’s taken a while to settle into that, and another while to learn what to say yes, or no to, or not right now, while leaving space for God to have His way in my life, in and through me, and His promises.

There can be such a tension between what is good, and what is right, because it’s all great stuff, but that doesn’t make it the right thing for me to do right now, which can be a real struggle, when some things are ‘seen’ to be more worthwhile, or others deem worthy.

I do a job now which gives security, while enabling me to work with people I love, gives an international feel and flavor to life, in a group of people who wouldn’t normally come into contact with Christians. At the same time, it’s not the busiest job I have had in the world, but it enables me the headspace to do all sorts of crazy things outside of work. And there’s a lot of fun crazy things, which makes life interesting and diverse, and I’m really enjoying it.

It often makes me wonder though about what is a good thing for me to be doing, and what’s the right thing, and agreeing to do something, based on what I know now, vs information that might become available at the very next corner, or conversation.

I have a hunch that we all have a vision, mandate, or invocation. I love what Bob Goff says about it….. ‘Make all of the things you believe your invocation and all of the things you do about it your benediction’.

As we live life faithfully, even if we can’t articulate our mandate of living, it seems that if we are faithful with the little things, and obedient to God’s call on our life, even if it doesn’t make sense, it seems to come clear.

And while I can’t live out every single one of my dreams here and now, all at once, it seems that they grow, and in their time they will happen, and will find an opportunity and place within God’s plan. So, I can keep the list, look back at the cool things that have indeed happened, and look forward to what is to come.

When Jesus is your Lord; nothing is secular, everything is sacred (Nicky Gumbel). We can walk in wonder at all God has for us, giving it all back, for it’s all sacred decisions and sacred living.

Inheritance

It’s funny how the present life, actions and relationships can reflect something of God’s heart for his relationship with us. I was part of a conversation, talking about inheritances, and family. People were talking about jewelry that was in their family, that they know will remain within the family for the long term. It is an inheritance, and they can’t have it now for the most part, but know that it will come to them and their siblings in good time. Later on we were all talking about God and his original vision and plan for us, that of being His children, loved, having everything He created under his authority. As someone who’s family isn’t as well off as those I was surrounded by, or at least having come from a different economic perspective, it’s something I don’t have much experience of in the ‘natural’, and so often understanding it to any kind of depth in light of God and all he sees me to be, and has done for me comes as a constant exercise, of often knowing it in my head, but not in my heart of hearts. Which is a pain, because it’s a lie to live in any less that all God says we are and has made us all to be. And it’s pretty awesome, to see ourselves and each other through our Heavenly Father’s eyes

Waking up in the night I was thinking about it again, and was reminded of the verse saying that we have a new birth into a living hope- an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade….. and is both now, and in Heaven. 1 Peter 1..

1 Peter 1:3-9

Praise to God for a Living Hope

3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, 5 who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. 8 Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, 9 for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

We all have a living hope, an inheritance now and in heaven, it’s ours to live in now. Pretty awesome, really!

Seasons and God's promises

What seasons there are! I have been in a season for a good while, and it has been a pretty special one at that. God has shown himself in some pretty awesome ways, there has been lots of words surrounding this time, both from God and others which has been encouraging, challenging, rewarding, and oh so stretching. 

Starting from a year and a half ago, when, meeting with a few different people, I started having the most spectacular car issues- from green steaming goop flying out the bonnet on a very busy street to unexplained car travelling from where I had parked it.... Pretty weird, very strange, unexplainable and well, funny, looking back!:)

In praying alot and wondering what the heck was going on, I had the distinct peace beyond all understanding that I didn't have to go to those meetings anymore, and what a relief that was. God was really clear He had it sorted and in hand, which was a mighty relief!

It was in the months that followed that I started being given the coolest words. I was thinking about it on the way home from work tonight and realised that its been a year since the first of them. I LOVE this word, and it has become a stake for me when things are going well, or really really badly, because in it all, it turns me back and points me hard to Jesus, no matter what, reminds me that I am His, and HE is GOOD! And from there, being reminded of who He is, who I am, in turn has further challenged, confirmed, and given freedom in being able to love and treat others for who they are, whether or not they know Jesus. I get to have some pretty fun chats with people nowadays with people who only know Jesus through me, which is additionally challenging and rewarding!

I love how God speaks to us, and gives us ears to hear. Am so glad that His Word is true and can be trusted, that his still small voice, in whichever way He chooses brings peace, life, wholeness, restoration. In so much too, the words have often seemed too foreign to be true-- too far removed from reality, and then there's time when reality moves so much further from where it seems possible that reality and Gods words and promises could possibly meet in this lifetime, and yet God is faithful and true, it's Him that can be trusted no matter what is going on in me or others around me. And his promises, no matter what, aren't empty.

I was struck recently when someone commented too that when you receive a word from God, it's Gods word, and while it might be specifically for me, it might resonate with others too, and vice versa, so I entrust it to you, because it is precious and treasured to me, and has blessed me greatly in so many situations, it has been an anchor and plumb line.

********

I know the plans I have for you. 

I have not forgotten. 

Plans to give you hope and a future. 

I then had that picture of a big oil rig/ massive drill thing and felt like it was a picture of how God wanted you to drill down into his goodness, deeply anchoring you and increasing your faith. 

A reminder to not give up. And also that He was the power behind the drilling too. So you can press into Him and trust Him for the rest. 

Don't be distracted by circumstance but hold tightly to the truth that HE IS GOOD. 

Also - she is no fool who puts her faith in a mighty king. Don't be afraid to believe and look foolish in the worlds eyes. 

****

Tomorrow's task

I am doing a spot of speaking tomorrow at church. Not something I DO. And not a topic I speak on. I have been thinking about it all week, and am not really any closer to establishing exactly what I am going to say.

Mother’s Day.

I have been reading a lot of blogs, articles as they have come my way, tweets, referring to articles, or a husband asking us all to pray for his wife this particular weekend.

I am a women, aunt, daughter, granddaughter, friend, Godmother, and yet I am not a mother. Yet-I trust. So, while I greatly feel the privilege of what I have been amazingly blessed to give, while I am not a wife, nor a mother, feel wholly unqualified for the task at hand.

So. Mother’s, Aunt’s, Godmother’s, friends, Women, what do we then say to you, to bless, love, honor, fill, encourage, empower you in all you do and all you are?

Today, we want to honor women, all women. From those who hope to be mothers to those who have generations, those who have loved and lost, those who journey a road of joy or heartbreak, and everything in between often at the same time. We want to honor all women in your journey.

Thank you for all you do in caring beyond reason for others, for loving beyond your strength and ability, for persevering when all hope seems gone, and marveling at the wondrous joy, blessing and delight it is to journey alongside others.

I want to remind you that no matter who you are, who is currently in your hands to care for, where you are or where you are going, you are loved. Not just loved, but loved with an everlasting love that passes all understanding and depth.

You are God’s masterpiece. (Ephesians 2:10)

You are forgiven (Eph. 1:7).

You are a new creature (II Cor. 5:17).

You are strong in the Lord (Eph. 6:10).

You are accepted in Christ (Eph. 1:6).

You are loved with an everlasting love (Jer. 31:3).

You are overtaken with blessings (Deut. 28:2).

Ann Voskamp wrote this week- ‘And there will be tears and there will be laughter — because what messes our life up most — is the expectation of what our life is supposed to look like, It won’t be perfect — but we’ll be prodigals.

Because can count on it: Mother’s Day is for the birds – us who are flying on the wings of His grace and a prayer.

Thank you to every mom, every single person who nurtures and lives life-giving lives…. we need you: (Ann Voskamp)

We have a gift for all the women here today, a photo of an incredible painting by Justine, who painted it for her mother. You can see it here today, so go and have a look. She has wonderfully shared her amazing gift with us today. With the photo comes the verse from Jeremiah 31:3- I have loved you with an everlasting love, and that is my hope for each of you today, that you will know more deeply the depths of that everlasting love.

Thanks

Step by step

There are days when life seems like an excessive in perseverance, of trusting and waiting- ignoring what things look like and trusting the stats, Gods word and promises, what you know to be true and right and going with that until it makes sense.

With the gym, I had a review recently, and well, the overall stats weren't impressive, nothing had really changed. Though, there's the numbers for ever session- they are changing, things that used to hurt don't any more and things within myself are changing, and even when the day has been tough or I haven't felt like I have done especial well, the numbers can tell a very different story, which is so encouraging!

And with life, there are weeks when no difference, improvement, positive impact seems to happen, and it's just an exercise in doing what you know you need to do.

I love Gods reminders too, how he speaks through his word, his people and circumstances. Reminders at just the right time when you know it can only be God is a wonderfully special thing, and feed and keep feeding as we return and return to Him.

So often it all seems so counter-intuitive and It seems that little bit beyond what feels comfortable to walk in and trust, and doesn't often make sense, and yet, there's the beauty to meeting God in that place again and again, and of looking back and seeing his amazing Glory all around. Exciting, amazing times are coming!!!!:)

500 Blogging Miles

It's a very noisy world, and often we can't hear ourselves over the din and racket, or we have closeted ourselves away, hiding behind busyness, headphones, or so busy talking about stuff that fills the air, we miss the moments when we can lay down all the walls, and protective armour that has been put up to hide our true selves away from others. All others.

Blogger says that this is my 500th blog, and so with that, it felt like a good time to do a little reflecting on the reflecting that has taken place here. It has covered three countries mainly....though at least 2 others have featured, I think! Many years, experiences, friends, learnings.

There has been a lot of heart break and heart ache with all kinds of people, but the lasting threads, themes and colours that shine are of God's love, faithfulness, and constancy. And in the mending there has been strengthening, leading, growing and amazing people. It's a continuing journey. I am not where I thought I might be, but am where God wants me now. 

The main reason I started to write all those years ago was because I like to journal, but there is an additional challenge to make it a public journal (inasmuch as this is public still...). For me the challenge was to process something enough in order to make it public, to get to whatever the issue was, rather than an event or issue- this didn't always work, but mostly...anyway. There were times when it was a way of keeping me accountable, to a time, or marking the days, or journey and the processes of whatever it was I was going though. This last season has gone far longer than intended, but has also grown and developed since I first started, and I wonder too if it has become the foundation from which so many other things have developed and grown- so, so many things have changed since then too!!

Mostly though, this came about as a way to journal my reflections in a different way to a journal does; to create a space to share with those who chose to find me, who wanted to stop and listen.

Since I started, I have trained as a counsellor, which, mostly is listening to people's story. To have someone stop, heed, pay attention to, and listen to your story is such an amazing thing, and such a rare gift, especially, unlike counselling, when it is a mutual dialogue. And can be found in the most surprising (or not!!) of places- and super frustrating when found far, far later than it should have been.

Has it helped?? Yes. I have appreciated it when friends have checked in and followed things up- in my life, but at the same time, not assumed they knew what exactly I was talking about. Would I change anything? No. It was always meant to be a space for me to be me. A starting point to share and be heard.

So, thanks. For the part you have play in my journey, whether big or small, whatever it has been. 

Thank you.

Fearless living

What would it look like if we didn't fear. At all. Ever. Of people, safe or unsafe- in all senses of the words, of circumstances and accidents....Of life, of good,things happening and the simple fact that God is in a good mood. All the time. He loves us. Has the best for us. Wants RELATIONSHIP with us... I was reading a mission statement today that was from another faith, but had clearly been 'borrowed' from Christianity. It was such a strange thing, because it was so very similar, and I knew where it had come from and was trying to achieve, and yet..... It was so very lacking in what we take for granted. There was absolutely no relationship with God- whoever they believe God to be. In reading through it, there was worship, a god, law, obligation, rites, but it was so empty. Fear.

One of the things that I was so struck by at the Good Friday service recently was the fear felt at different points. Of Judas and his actions, Peter denying that he knew Jesus, of the guards mocking someone and circumstances they didn't understand, of Pilate and Herod choosing what the crowd wanted rather than what they too knew to be right...the list goes on. But. Following the resurrection, the reconnection, finally knowing through and through, of understanding through and through who. Jesus. Is...they no longer acted in fear, and so often, they went to their death, because they were so fearless, they knew who they were, knew whose they were, through and through.

So, I have been thinking more this week about those things I am afraid of, and working out how to navigate them in a new way, because, I don't like myself when I act from a place of fear, quite honestly. So often it is relationship that is the instigator, and this time is no different. I have gone through big change, and forgot that relationships might change as a result. Fine when things have been enriched, but not so when things feel like they are slipping away... I want to respond. Out of fear and hurt, and that's not great. 

So, this week has been spent, thinking about living in the resurrection, as though it's all going to be fine, that it's Jesus whose promises I am trusting, and living in, and will endeavour to be faithful with the rest, and trust that God will fill in the gaps, holes, places where there could be hurts and fears, but look expect Gods promises to be released. As long as it is today, God is good, and he is faithful:)

It means fearless loving too.... A scary, awesome feat it would be, indeed!!

Exercising all those muscles...:)

As i have settled into this year I have been really challenged to do things differently. Some are relatively easy- they are clear and obvious changes that need to be made, or due to changing circumstances have naturally happened. Some are harder, and each decision is a choice to live, to think, to act in a certain way, but as I have exercised the will to live differently, it gets easier. Not all, by any means- some go completely against the grain, especially when it comes to relating to other people. Sometimes it's the 'not doing' that comes the hardest, but can be the most beneficial.

One of the topics talked a lot at one of the conferences was standing firm on God's words and promises in our lives and that of those around us. Often we can end up in situations straight after that can cause us to doubt God's word, and yet it's His word and promises we can stand so firmly on, no matter how crazy awesome or impossible sounding they seem to be. And so with that, there has been a lot of active exercising of my faith muscles in different ways,more trusting, and loving even when I just want to get really, really mad, or letting things go and enjoying more time with God, and finding new freedom in that.

Partnered with that, I may possibly have joined a gym which has given exercise a whole new meaning. I am loving it, loving that it can actually fit into the day, that already I feel stronger and able to do more than I thought I could. Not just some, but all of my muscles are getting the workout they need and are feeling the better for it. There are some areas that are feeling it though. I had an ankle injury when I was about 10 years old, which apparently still has issues... So boy, in all the exercising am I ever feeling that weakness!! But then, as with all weaknesses, it's in the stretching and using that new strength comes.

Which is why we pray, we use the gifts we are given, we give away what we have, because its in that we are all blessed, have the opportunity to see how much God has for us, and for others through us. So often we just have no idea what we are capable of doing, and it's in exercising what we have 'now' that we can look back and see just what amazing things God has done in and through us...

Jeremiah 31:3 Came to mind at the Good Friday service last week. At a stop in the various stations we were moving around as we remembered this day, we came to a series of tables, like a restaurant. We were invited to sit down, like we were sitting down for a lovely meal with Jesus, and invited to think of what the conversation might be like. Immediately the phrase 'see, I have loved you with an everlasting love....' Came strongly to mind. And in taking communion as we were sitting there, we had the tangible reminder of how everlasting that love is.

And in reading through Jeremiah 31 later, both experiences come to mind.

Jeremiah 31:2-3 (especially, but not exclusively!)
Thus says the LORD:
"The people who survived the sword
Found grace in the wilderness;
When Israel sought rest,

The LORD appeared to him from far away.
I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.


Keep on keeping on:)