Given

The things I most dearly want to do right now... go to my graduation, and a see one of my favorite bands play in Australia....are at awkward times, don't really work that well with life, times, others...and yet they are two things that would make my heart happy.

To push, or not to push, to persevere, or give up into time and all that could, should, ought to be...and yet heart happy brings fruit, joy, meaning, peace too. Testimony's of God in and through a life that's trying to be all given to Him....

To go means value, meaning, completion, significance of all that God has done, and is doing. To not go... will be dissapointing, sad....something lost.

I guess I'm going:)

Baking

Coming home from work yesterday, I realised, it hasn't been the easiest few months. The challenges of adjusting to a new job, people, mindsets, a Christian organisation, but no Christians aside from myself as far as I can see and of trying to maintain life outside of work. The joy of waiting for answers to questions, non-answers, and straight out no's has been a challenge.

It has been gorgeous to have a complete rest day today, a day with lots of talks, worship, dogs for company, and lots of baking. I was looking at some of the things I cooked today, and realised that they turned out well. Having had space, time, no need to rush, the things I have cooked have come out of a place of rest. I remember the last time I cooked for someone, I was stressed, because the food is often critiqued, which for me, writes of the the whole meal, even though it's not intended, and because I know it will be critiqued, I know I more stressed, have less time, and well, it just doesn't work as well. And it makes me sad, as know the critique-ing is well intentioned, it just doesn't inspire me to cook, let alone cook better.

It really makes me question what else needs to come out of that place of rest and how I can get more of that rest in my life!:)

Friendship divorce

I read this article this week, and yup, it sums it up for me. Having been on the receiving, and yes, the giving end of this, and even the 'the harder I try not to muck it up, the more I seem to get it wrong' but there we are. As someone who values friends highly, especially when my life looks different to most other people's, it's hard when they fade away in different cases. There's a grief to that and a loss that's not like other losses. On the other hand, life happens, we go through phases, and sometimes it's really not personal, and you can come out the other side.

As as someone who has different phases in lifeand chapters, I guess I can't hold onto each chapter and all they hold. Some are for a life time, but others just can't be held onto as it would be ideal... So, as I step into another new chapter of life for some elements of this year, I look forward to seeing all it holds, the new friendships, the current friendships. And with the ones I can't seem to hold on to, there is grace, forgiveness, and surprise catch-ups:)

Home

I am sitting in the London kitchen, the two youngest kids (3 days off 18, and 20!) upstairs or watching TV. Sausages in the oven, Rachel due for lunch. Quiet, peace. The other life. So normal and so foreign.

I have been back int he UK since Wednesday and love being here, and yet the pull to be in Sydney is still strong. And yet this is home too.

Time for lunch:) This family which has been my family for 18 years and 3 days. Home.

There is nothing more delicious...

Read this today... had to share:) there is nothing more delicious ...

by mici magazine … than warm fresh just out-of-the-oven cookies, the feel and smell of fresh sheets on your newly made bed, a lingering kiss from your one true love, the perfect silence in the midst of a storm, the hope inspired by a morning cup of your favourite brew, the lure of a warm open fire, romance in the winter time, being snuggled up with a good book on your weekend off, sleeping the day away, the morning dew dripping from thawing trees, stars shining brightly in a moonlit sky, the laughter from a friend walking through life’s pains, the answer to prayer only God can bring, your favourite song up loud and on repeat, the soaking rays from the sun on a summer’s day, the beautiful coolness of the ocean on sun-drenched skin, a heart after you, a good ole’ cry to a feel-good girlie movie, rain on the window, the rainbow that salutes the passing of the storm, the thought that dreams can come true, the smell of summer in the air, freshly mowed grass, slipping off high heels at the end of a long day, candles flickering by the bath as you soak the day away, a hot shower on your first sunburn of the season, hindsight, the view over the ocean from an upstairs window, a good workout, fitting into your favourite dress, that first untouched page of your brand new journal and the perfect pen with which to capture this journey called life knowing that no matter what it throws your way, no matter the storm that rages by day and the seeming silence to your prayers by night, no matter your mistakes and ‘misfortunes’ your choices and those made for you, that ultimately the creator of the universe, GOD HIMSELF, is for you—so who can be against you! There’s nothing more delicious …

Start living it.

Someone passed on this reference last week. How cool is that!

My counsel for you is simple and straightforward: Just go ahead with what you've been given. You received Christ Jesus, the Master; now live him. You're deeply rooted in him. You're well constructed upon him. You know your way around the faith. Now do what you've been taught. School's out; quit studying the subject and start living it! And let your living spill over into thanksgiving.

Colossians 2:6-7 (The Message)

My jewels

I was sitting working at the computer today by my supervisor. We were idely chatting as we did what we needed to do, and suddenly it dropped. "I was talking to someone about you today- they love that they are growing and feeling safe, loved able to do what they need to do", she said. It was one of the people I meet with each week. She didn't say who, but it was what she said that was such a precious jewel.

I received an email last week from someone saying 'it worked'! I got through something I never get through successfully. 'I did it!'.

Another wrote, mentioning a time that seemed so dry to me. I had gone to give, to share, to bless, and was told no. And yes, there was a conversation... and out of that, life, renewed life, purpose, identity. Someone who is living a whole (-er!) life again.

All incredibly precious jewels. Of seeing precious amazing people realizing that they can do it.

Each comment has been a precious jewel in the week, of seeing people see themselves in a new way, new possibilities, and step out in faith and fresh hope. Each are jewels, precious people who I get to walk alongside. What an incredible gift it has been.

What an amazing, challenging, precious year.