An empty basket

It's that time of year again, Christmas. Gift giving at its finest. Shopping at its craziest, and preparations in all their glory. I was hit in the face for the first time ever today by a man. Christmas shopping. Albeit by accident, and crossing the road, but it was quite a shock, nonetheless.

And this is the time for looking back, and looking forward, of gift giving for Jesus. 

This year has been one of love. Of learning to freely love, and freely give that love. For some, it has been a continual forgiving of a thousand and one different hurts that they don't realise they have done, because they are in a hugely different place to me. For others, it has been learning to love freely and lightly, passing on what has been given to me to give to them. More recently it's been a painful giving, because it has stretched me beyond my natural capacity to be where they have been. It has been putting down my 'stuff' to be with them in their space. It has been learning to love and live with housemates, friends, family, work with clients, be involved in things in the community and beyond. It has been discovering just how Good God is, and how much I have to give away.

This last year has been about my loves.

I was listening to Bill Johnson recently, and some if his talk comes to mind. He and his wife talk about giving in the most extraordinary way. It is over, way over and above lavish. But what struck me is what God has been teaching him more recently. Of when to give and when not to give. Sometimes it's fruit, and sometimes it's a branch. Better to give the fruit from the branch that will go on to bear more fruit, than to give the branch that won't bear fruit again.....

It comes to mind now. Because maybe in some cases I have been giving my everything. The branch, and it have nothing left. Perhaps it's time to rethink a few things.

Having a conversation recently, someone commented 'but everyone loves you!'. My reaction was, so?! That's lovely, and I love them back, but what does it matter if 'everyone' loves me if no One, or Ones love me. Or, this far out, there are no plans for New Year's Eve. I don't have a family of my own, so my friends, the closest group of friends around me becomes hugely important to me. They become the place of being honest, real, in the good and challenging times, and of finding a way through to a new place. Too often with friends, it's easier to walk away, or let a friendship just fade into the background. There seems to be a real art and wisdom in working out which one should invest in. Do we love all equally, or invest deeply into a few. And what if they walk away anyway, or you realise you might just be useful, because you're trying to live love differently.

For my birthday, I felt very strongly that the message for the year, was Loved. Not love and how much I love, but knowing deeply and truly, how much I am loved. I don't really have a great sense of that, in any context- more often it is like a door being opened briefly and the most heavenly smell wafting out. I want the full banquet.

So this year for His birthday present, I am giving Jesus an empty basket, that He can fill it with his love, from him directly, or through others. In his way and timing, not as I would prefer. He knows how I best see, recognise and receive love, so I will leave it up to Him. But He loves me best and I love him most, but I know there is so very much,much more.

But mostly I am giving this, because I have a hunch that the more love I give, the more I receive and am filled, to give more love away, and the giving keeps giving because we keep receiving. But if we keep receiving in abundance, the giving will multiply, so I hope, the giving will continue to grow, my capacity to love others will grow, and my natural capacity will stretch, and the joy with loving and giving will grow beyond the pain of being stretched....

I am convinced there is more. More from and for God. More for us, and more from us. It taps into the core of who we are and the places we most want to protect. And that's safe. But grey. Bland.

There's more love and that's where we each truly live fully.

Scars

I was looking at my most recent scar recently, and amazed at how distinct it still is. Doesn't hurt at all, but is distinctly there. It got me thinking about some of my other scars. I have one on my finger, from ice while adventuring out with some little people in the freezing cold, middle of Wales, and a couple on the base of my foot from a rock pool off the south of France. There is the one on my forehead from moving day in Hong Kong, and then there are the ones that I have no memory of, like the one on my wrist.

The thing with them all is, I remember the adventures, the people I was with, what was going on around me, but. I don't remember the pain or hurt at all. They all have a story to tell, and a special adventure, people and memories surrounding them, and I guess that's often the way with most scars, both seen and unseen. They can leave a mark, but not necessarily the pain if we treat them properly and make sure they heal well.

It's a nice reminder that God is good all the time, that he uses all things for good, to help us grow, that he doesn't leave us where we are at, but wants us healed and restored, even though things might leave a mark, as a reminder. Those scars and marks are what makes each of us unique, and we all have them in some way or other. It's often just a matter of recognising them and valuing them for what they are, and how they have shaped who each of us is, and is becoming. 

Infused Values

I went to a wedding last weekend. Nothing too unusual about that- have been to ALOT of weddings over the years. I don't tend to think about them too much- they are planned from the perspective of the bride and groom. It's their day, they look awesome, in love, happy, they get married, and so far as I know, none of the marriages I have ever been to have ended in divorce. Thank you God!!

It can be so easy to comment on the look and feel of the wedding, the dress, hair, flowers......lovely, all of them in their own way.

What I am about to say though, doesn't diminish how special all the other weddings have been, or the people who have been in them.

The wedding I went to has got to have been the simplest one I have been to, or among the simplest. And it was spectacular!! It was gentle, fun, and there was tears from the bride, and the groom as she walked down the aisle.

What particularly stood out to me was their heart and values, both for their marriage, and for their lives together as they live out their marriage, and relationship with each other, and with Jesus with others.

The talk was one of the first wedding talks I have been to where I took notes.... 

The heart and values of the couple is to love and serve each other in their marriage, and to love and serve those around them, so the first thing they did as a married couple was to wash each other's feet. The minister then spoke on the act and process of washing one another's feet. It's a rare thing to have ones feet washed by another, especially with purpose and intention. Like anything, it can become a ritual, and lose the heart and meaning, but when done with intention, with heart, and with purpose, it becomes a humbling act, a welcome, an invitation. It says 'I welcome you and want you in my space'.

It stood out so beautifully to me, because it reflected their heart In such an extraordinary way that I haven't seen in a while. It reflected who they are, their values. 

I don't often think about my wedding, because, well, I am not the only one involved. But this one got me thinking about it, and while I want it to look good and be lovely, mostly I want it to reflect the values that will be taken into the life being created. 

There have been a few men who have been keen to travel that route with me, and sadly I haven't returned the hopes. And maybe that's what I am holding out for. Something a little bit different.

Faith, expectation and gift giving

I bought a gift for a baby last night. It's perfect. I know one of the parents, but..... They are single. As far as I know, there isn't Someone Special, but when they do meet, date, marry and get to the point of having children, this baby's outfit will be perfect for their first bub. 

I have done this once before, but in that case the couple were married and trying for children by then, so it was pretty special to see their little one wearing said outfit. So... The outfit tonight may be a bit premature,but I am looking forward to passing it on in good time. And I am looking forward to the answered prayers and how God shows His lavish love in a whole new and awesome way.

Last weekend someone posted a photo on Instagram of a wedding they were at in New Orleans. I didn't think too much of it, until more and more people were posting pics. Turns out that the person I initially 'met' via blog, Instagram, Twitter and Facebook was getting married, and all the people I have come to know through his work were all there and celebrating the fantastic day with him. Nothing too personal about that, really. But it was a really cool surprise answer to prayer! You see, I have been reading his blog, twitter and books for a few years now, and through the helpful (or probably unhelpful benefit of social media!) I knew he had arrived at a broken engagement. From all I had come to know, I could imagine it was incredibly painful, at best. So, it was fantastic to see photos of his wedding popping up as people all around celebrated with them.

This year has very much been themed around love does. Of love in action, loving with what I have to give. That has looked different in different situations, but one of them has been the praying bit. Love involves relationship, and I have been struck often by the disconnect between the awesome people I know, who are single. It doesn't make sense to me that God has created us for relationship, and there are so many awesome people who love Jesus and yet don't necessarily have the same opportunity as a married person to have children, and pass on their love for and relationship with Jesus in quite the same way. And yes, all the cool things that marriage involves. Not saying one is better than the other, just that we are made for relationship and God seems to have a thing for relationship, family, and go the generations. And I am fairly sure all the people I am thinking of want to be married and/or parents, and would be amazing at both. Am sure this taps into a whole of other theological discussion, but that's for another time and place.

So, it has been a rewarding, though often interrupted and challenged journey of starting a list of people to pray for, whether to meet, or marry, or for those wanting children, or getting to know Jesus as their own Lord and Saviour. The list often disappears off my phone... So it can be particularly purposeful to remember, to check, and keep the list up to date, to add to the list. The best thing though this year, has been to see answers to prayer, to see people meet someone, or any step along the marriage/ children journey. It's not complete yet and the list continues to grow and change which is fun, but am enjoying seeing God at work in different ways. Hoping this will be a lifelong list that keeps growing, changing and is an awesome testimony of God's awesome goodness. Hm. Am going to a wedding today that wasn't on the cards a year ago!! Bring it on!!:)

And I am so looking forward to meeting this baby and seeing him/her wearing this awesome outfit!

Feedback for all it's worth

Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.

Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness. Brene Brown

I sent in a letter of, well, complaint this week. I rarely do this, but the issue was a big pain to me, avoidable, and well, hasn’t happened before in every other time. I dread the response though. Dread them saying it might be my fault, or not hearing what I have to say. Dread their lack of empathy, awareness, or understanding of how impossible what they are expecting me to do, now is. So, while I believe I did the right thing the whole way along, I might not get what I thought I would, and on top of it, might be told it’s my fault, because of something that was completely out of my  hands, expectations, and their service.

There is the niggling sense of guilt, because even though I wrote about the issue in a positive light, I am not sure they will receive it, they may only see the negative, in me, and the situation. And really, I would prefer not to have to do it.

I don’t like brokenness, miscommunication, negativeness, whether genuine or perceived, and would do many things to avoid it, or try and fix it as soon as possible inasmuch as I can, to the point of saying sorry when I know I don’t need to, just to get out of an awful situation. And when it is among people for whom I am known, then it just baffles me that they often don't see, or try to see what I am saying, or trying to do. I don’t like saying things that could possibly be seen as negative, and will often feel terrible, or that lovely sense of guilt until I get a response.

And sometimes it doesn’t come and you’re left hanging. That’s often the worst. I like dialogue and feedback, and find silence the hardest to deal with, especially if I have said something that might possibly, vaguely, potentially have been taken as a “bad” thing. With that comes a lot of choosing, choosing and more choosing, of trust, faith, self-talk and a lot more self-talk as I wait. And wait. And learning to sit with it, to sit with the silence, and trust in the strength of the relationship, and maybe, just maybe (well, usually, really), see what is at the other end.

And with the letter. It is a pain, they didn’t deliver as promised and the alternative is impossible for me to achieve, so I will have to be ok telling them so. No matter how ick I feel.

There are so many things it circles around. Truth and relationship, value and worth, connection and dialogue…. And being ok to say, to feel, to express that… to be yourself fully and valued in all of that, not just what the other chooses.

And as a ps to my complaint, the first response I received was a survey…………….!;)

Thanksgiving!!

Two Christmas cakes, 1 large salad, two slices, 2 dinners for 3, and a thanksgiving pie.

All cooked in the space of about 5 days:)

The last few months has be layered, textured, full of people, events, emotions, conversations, text messages and emails. Too many of the conversations have been via email, or text. From a distance. And I desperately miss a good old fashioned, face to face conversation. Technology is great, don't get me wrong! Especially when there are so many other things going on, but I am so aware that conversations are different. You can't always read tone and intention, and I know for me, I can often say things that are either wildly foolish, or courageous on email, that I doubt I would say in person. I long for the next time I can sit down to a meal with the people I love doing life with. 

There is something that is amazing about sitting down around to a table. Jesus ate with so many people. It leveled the playing field, brought unity, conversation, understanding, dialogue. I have loved where I live, and having the opportunity to have people over for a meal, more than I have been able to in recent times. It doesn't happen as often as I would still like, but it's happening. It speaks to me of laying down differences, and celebrating what is, of history, relationship, the reasons for being friends in the first place. It can be for occasions, or not, and there is something about bringing yourself to the table, whether you're bringing food to share or not, and leaving the world at the front door. There are times too, for me, when it is particularly and especially important to have my favorite people together, that they make that space a priority to be together, because our time is often our most precious commodity, and when we carve out that space for each other, that's a precious thing. Can't always happen, but wow, it speaks so powerfully to me when it's possible.

 I am reading a new author now,and a lot of what she writes is set around the table, with amazing meals. Not amazing for the cooking necessarily(though, I am loving cooking some of her recipes that she's included), but the people, events, circumstances they all find themselves in at that time, and the ability to be real and honest, vulnerable about where they are at, and caught by each other's support and care. I love that. And the space they create, and often carve out against their overcrowded diaries, families, and often distance. I wonder how to take so many of the things I read about, and infuse them into life here, in such a way that they catch hold and multiply. I wonder about love, and the various ways love is given, received, shown and expressed, and the power and value of saying what we think freely, of meaning it, of being safe to say it, even if saying it comes by way of saying you're sad because something you have valued for so long hasn't been there for the longest time. As Christians too, God is our all in all, and yet we are made for relationship, and to do life together. God's love is active and powerful, and is a giving and receiving, an invitation to relationship. We have the privilege and challenge of living that with each other, of seeing who God created each of us to be, and calling out the gold each of us carries. And often it's those who know us the best who can do that best if we treasure it enough in each other.

Today, in the USA at least, it's thanksgiving. It's one of the holidays I truly love, and we don't really have it here in Australia, and well, it's a little tricky to make roast a turkey on a work day, sadly. But we should celebrate thanksgiving somehow! I am loving seeing social media (those emails, texts, instagrams,face books, and twitters!!!;)) showing the beauty of the celebration, the food, decorations, people, family as they gather together to give thanks for all God has done. 

We have much to give thanks for, from all God has given us, and in all that is in the people and circumstances around us.

Happy thanksgiving!

Choosing and change

I have been slowly reading the book, Keep your love on, by Danny Silk. It’s rich, challenging and I am enjoying the challenge of taking it in, and learning to live it out. It’s about saying that we are powerful people, we have been created to live in relationship, in love, with authority. We can choose how we can live and love others. I am constantly challenged by it, to learn to live with that paradigm.

“A powerful person’s choice to love will stand, no matter what the other person does or says. When a powerful person says, “I love you”, there’s nothing that can stop them. Their love is not dependent on being loved in return.” Danny Silk.

So, with power comes freedom, and both come with the challenge to use them well, and wisely. We all have it, it’s just how we see it, and how we choose to use it.

So, my birthday approaches, and the end of the year approaches, and with both comes change. I started thinking about it a few weeks ago.  Over the past few months some interesting conversations have happened, along with events, random opportunities and yup, not much sense in all of it. Last week though, it all seemed to come crashing down. Other people’s issues, decisions, or lack thereof crowding in on the decisions I have been thinking through and trying to make. From one beautiful friend, who decides some things by not deciding, and lands in a big powerless mess, to other events unfolding and the need to step up into new responsibility by default. There was a point last week, when other people’s lives, decisions and issues were more than I could cope with and I was almost to the point of giving up on some of the things that I had started to think about.

But, life goes on, and still things continue to unfold, and out of that some new perspectives are starting to glimmer, and maybe, just maybe, there is a much, much bigger plan unfolding, even though I don’t think I am strong enough, maybe God has indeed given me all I need, and maybe God really is for me too, and there is hope, a plan and a future.

And I have a choice. I can choose not to choose, thereby handing over the power and authority given to me to others, and have a choice that’s mine to make alone, made by others. Or maybe there is still room to choose, to seek God in it all, and while I don’t know, or understand so much, I can still sit at His feet, keep talking to people, keep my eyes open to His grace.

Or maybe this, all of this, the big, little, related and unrelated are part of something much, much bigger, and I can partner with God in it all and see what is in store next. I can engage with the process of this journey, seek the deep connections and relationships, even when it hurts, can engage with God as much as I can, to sit with him, love him, thank him, oh, thank him.

It is hard, painful, joyful, surprizing, stretching, but I know God is so good, he loves us so well, and I am so excited to see what’s coming. I choose God. Choose connection, choose love. It’s going to be amazing, because God is Good:)

Grace like rain...

I did this a few weeks ago on a lovely Sunday afternoon. Baffled by all the random tears, but so often reminded of the line out of the recent version of Amazing Grace that speaks of Grace like rain... There is so much:)

I will wait to see the Goodness of The Lord

How long does one wait, hope, expect....?

In some ways I want to say 'hurry up'! All those things that seem to be coming, or I would like to have happen, to see them happen NOW. And have it all rushed through... but.

I realised that I am happier to wait in God's timing , at his pace and in his presence. I am loving the waiting, the anticipation, the knowing that Good things are coming....in God's time. It's not that I don't want them to not ever happen, and yes, there's always going to be a sense of 'Hurry Up God!!!', but there is an amazing peace that comes from knowing God has everything sorted. He knows, sees, understands and is working things out. He knows things so much better than I, knows the people and circumstances, and all that's to come and I want nothing more than to see Him bring things about. Not. Me.

My life feels so rushed right now, and yes, I am talking steps once again to put down things I probably shouldn't be carrying, and maybe I would rather _expect_ to see God's goodness, because it is in the expectancy that I _see_ it, even if I'm not 'there' yet, or have the 'thing', relationship or whatever it is that I feel God has planned for me...

A favorite verse this week has included the words 'make haste' and I love the difference in tone it carries compared to 'hurry up!', and the comparative impatience it has. Make haste speaks more of travelling in God's timing and presence, and I love that. It carries peace.


There are so many things I am feeling so very grateful at the moment- so often to the point of tears in wonder at the goodness of all God has done and is doing, of the amazing things that are in this time and space. God is so Good:)


I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of The Lord in the land of the living!!
Psalm 27:13

And yes, I have had leaky eyes for the strangest things lately:)

Seeping out

Onions are great, aren't they, and at other times, not so great. I cry with them for the most part, but then one of my favorite soups required a lot of onions. They can be convenient when you want to have a good cry, because they can kickstart the process and well, get the crying out. The funny thing with crying is that they can be happy tears or sad tears. I have been crying lots lately. Mostly eyes watering more than crying, because I'm not sad. Mostly it's emotion seeping out, of being so happy, sad, content, full of overwhelming gratitude, well it has to come out somehow. But emotion, feelings can seep out in other ways too, in the things you are more enthusiastic about, or somehow find excuses to avoid. For other things, it can see out through your body, through aches and pains. You carry it in different ways. Often physical pains can be traced back to the emotions, stress, anxiety, etc.

There is an awful moment when you reach a point when you realise you can't go on. It's ridiculous, not needed and completely unnecessary. I can't believe I have got to this point and place again, but maybe and perhaps this is just a part of the process and where I am at, and my journey right now. 

There is what's ahead, and what's behind, and some things I am carrying might just possibly be in 'behind' and not what lies ahead. And perhaps, all those things ahead need space and time to grow. But that requires a paying down, of self, reputation, perceived wisdom, of backtracking. I need to make some choices and give up some things in love doing, would love to do. Some are big, and some little. Some are clear. And some just hurt. But there is the promise of good things to come, of God in the things that are right, not just good. And mostly am feeling that I am getting in the way of things, and need to find a way to make space for all that God has in store, whatever that is and there is so much going on in my head and life, I am not doing anything well.

So, it seems that it's time to let go of some things. I don't want to back out of things I have said yes to, nor do I want to let people down, so for the decisions where I have known I needed to deal with... Ned to stop putting off the inevitable, and step down, and step up with the things I know God is gently nudging, and start seeing what God has in store for them, even if they aren't my 'normal' thing...

There is grace though, and Gods strong hands. It will all come out anyway, so I might as well go with God where I know he would have me move now, rather than later. Who knows. I might just be greatly surprised and blessed to be a part of all He has in store!!:)

I am weak, weary, and afraid, but am so glad it's God who I can trust, rely on, and his words and perspective are far sounder that all I know or see.

What do you see?

* have had to edit- there were bits to make sure were what I intended. Though, am sure there is much more;) Note to self: Don't blog when completely exhausted beyond exhausted;)

Communication is such a funny thing isn't it. Funny what we say, or don't. Or something  is obvious and doesn't need to be said, though there are times when those things most need saying... Or communicated. Funny too what is 'heard', or understood when that's at times the last thing we have wanted to communicate, and yet they have heard it through an unseen filter so far removed from and unrelated to here and now, it's unbelievable. Having been on one side of that a lot, it's funny/ awful being on the other side, and really not wanting to be there.

I am not a fan of only ever intending well, and on saying something positive, having to then turn around and have to check if the mum, counsellor or dad is standing behind me (metaphorically speaking) to make sure they aren't there changing my meaning, or highlighting only the negative-most meaning of a comment, and causing everything else to disappear.

Most of the time it comes out of fear, and in the end I can only control my intentions and meaning, and try and communicate them as faithfully as possible. I am not their parent or counsellor, so don't need to carry the blame or meaning of that, and painful as it is to be misunderstood, I can't control their reactions. And in turn, I know there are times when I need to weigh my responses to situations against the lenses and fears I sometimes see things through.

But there is community, grace and forgiveness, and if we all really want it, the opportunity to learn and grow through it all.

The other side of the coin too, is there are people for whom you have no idea what they think of you, or even why you are friends. There is so little to go on... No evidence of care or affection that is anything other than circumstance, or coincidental, and yet. They actions speak loudly, if we look long and carefully enough and trust, and trust and trust. And trust. It can be a journey of learning to see what you might not normally think to look for. And seeing what seeps out in the said and unsaid.

And that is something like a treasure hunt;) You never know quite what you will find, or learn to see with time.

I loved this passage in Ephesians, and was struck by the overwhelmingly rich and lavish way he talks about everyone, and the way Paul is so intentional about blessing everyone. A beautiful gift to give those. I would love to be able to do that better, though can't say I wouldn't highly value that happening to me too.

Ephesians 1:16-23

I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.  I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people,  and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength  he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms,  far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.  And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.

So, my prayer for each of us this week... That we would each receive a new revelation of who we are, whose we are, and who others are, to us, and in Jesus.
Much joy and grace:)

Embracing change

I was loading the dishwasher tonight, and suddenly thought about how much I can't wait till things settle down, and generally looking forward to things being normal again... But for better or worse, it won't be going back to normal any time soon. This is the new normal. Babies have been born, houses moved, friends have come and gone, jobs have changed, ministries in a church context have changed. There is no going back, but going forward, not that I don't want to keep going forward- the last year has been extraordinary, and I wouldn't change it for the world, nor would I change any of what God has in mind for the future, but there are days when I would love to stop and just 'be' with my people, those I love and value most. They are still around, yet not in the same way. Some so much better, some, not so much...different.

God is always growing something to fill the empty places up. (Ann Voskamp)

This has proved so true this year. In the gaps that suddenly yawned, while they were noticed greatly, God has been filling them with Good things, people, relationships, often things unseen, but very, very real, and not something I could make, or force into being, just 'be' with wherever God has had planned for me.

So while things will keep changing, I will keep anticipating the growing, and all God has planned.

It was good, is good, and will be so very good!!

Love

I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love- Mother Teresa

 

Keep your love on- Danny Silk

 

Love Does- Bob Goff

 

These three phrases (and two of them, book titles), have sat with me a lot this year(And I mean a lot!!), and every time I have gone to do something, or have had a choice in responding to a situation have been reminders so often. The first, to love beyond any hurt has baffled me to the extreme, and challenged me more than possible. Every time I have been faced with a choice of responding to a situation, the challenge has been there to ‘keep my love on’, to respond from a place of love rather than hurt, or, more commonly, fear. It’s not easy, and there’s often not much to show for it in the present, but I guess, as with so many things, it’s exercising love, like a muscle. Choosing to love, no matter what. No. Matter. What.

 

It often hurts. And a lot, it’s often hard, confusing, doesn’t make any sense. But it often, if I hold out, is amazing what comes as a result. Not always, but mostly, it’s so worth it. There are some situations where I am reminded that I can choose only my own actions and responses, and no one else’s, and that’s ok.

 

Twitter never fails to offer good food for thought with so many short comments and I have been collecting some favorites, but there are so many, and are joyful and challenging as I try and find a way to love beyond my own ability.

 

God made love for His purposes, not ours, we’re rivers, not reservoirs. (Bob Goff)

 

 

Love NEVER FAILS! NEVER… not ever! Not even once… hold on, help us on the way (Kris Valloton)

 

 

Every act of extravagant love answeres the only question everyone really has about your faith (Bob Goff)

 

When you know that you are unconditionally loved by God, you are free to be yourself- to be open and vulnerable (Nicky Gumbel)

 

Love is foolish enough to believe the impossible will just keep happening. BE that foolish at least twice a day. (Bob Goff)

 

When we look back after many small steps of love, we will discover that we have made a long and beautiful journey. (Henri Nouwen)

 

Some people will always be skeptical of extravagant love. Give them something to talk about. (Bob Goff)

 

Extravagant acts of love don’t need return addresses. Bright lights don’t need spotlights. (Bob Goff)

 

The sign that you are in a relationship with Jesus is that you love people- period. (Danny Silk)

 

We try to organize our days, God tries to shape our hearts. (Bob Goff)

 

 

Plans work or they don’t; loves’ always a sure thing. Plan to help and it might work; plan to love and it always works. (Bob Goff)

 

Love breaks our fall, grace carries us home (Bob Goff)

 

Our only business is to love and delight ourselves in God (Brother Lawrence)

 

When a powerful person says “I love you” there’s nothing that can stop them. Their love is NOT dependent on being loved in return. (Danny Silk)

 

 

 I want to take each of these favourites and write a blog post on each one, but for now, I will share these. I have continued to add to this list, and will continue to do so, am sure, but these need sharing, and are certainly shaping my year hugely.

Love wins in the end but in the meanwhile, it fights for and pursues the things that matter. Love isn’t sentimental, it’s fierce. It endures.

 

Obeying...

I had no intention of doing anything with these, but have been in a conference over the last two days, and while I wasn't expecting too much, still went prepared, just in case, and wasn't disappointed. One talk in particular lit up a whole lot of things in a whole new, and awesome way. God is good!

Which brings me to this. I had no plans to post these,but know I should. Here anyway. It's part of creating headspace.

First up. Sunday afternoon,sitting in a park.

My heart, His promise.

Wednesday night, Katoomba

Held by an unseen hand

Head space

I have a whole 16 hours of space, free time (sleep included;) before I have to go to a conference. Still have jobs to do, but wow. Space. Not just any old space, but head space.

The last while has been full, of so many things, and all good, but has left no head space. I was walking up to the shops this morning- coffee, croissant, final (I hope!) supplies for the conference, and generally take in weekday Katoomba, and felt like the fog was lifting, suddenly there was more to see, more space to take it in and savour it, and to see a bit beyond what is taking up so much space right now. I can breath again.

A few weeks ago I heard a talk on self care, and it was helpful to think about what feeds my soul, whether I have a lot or a little time, or opportunity to spend time with friends.

I am glad that after this weekend things should calm down a bit, though it won't look like it for a bit yet, but it's coming:)

So, time to start planning in some space, or soul restoring things into that space. And keep some head space clear for dreaming, savouring, playing;)

Counting fish, faith and seeing the sun rise

Am reading a blog post about a group of women reading John 21, of the disciples gone fishing, Jesus coming to find them and invite them into the new journey. 

"We'll, there's the fact He asks us to trust him when it feels like we've been in a long night and caught nothing and we will trust Him, do what he says, when he asks the unconventional of us: 'Throw your net on the right side of the boat"....  (Ann Voskamp)

She notices they have counted the fish, counted the blessings, seen and lived out hope and faith in the one who has given all. Even when there was no reason to continue.

I was reading James 1 yesterday like it was the first time- all of it- no sub headings. What if we carried faith like that- above and beyond the 'natural', seen, reasonable to believe for. What if we carried God's word in such a way that we got through the long night to the dawn of the next day and all it holds. Seems impossible and often relentless, but am so glad for the pockets of refreshment, and restoration, and just enough encouragement to carry on. We are gifted with glimpses of what is to come even if it is above and beyond your wildest expectations of what God might want to do in and through you, for you, or task you to go out and do.

 But. What might be risked, and possible in God's revelation and abundance.......???? 

Whatever and whenever, it's going to be worth the wait!

James 1

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

9 Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. 10 But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. 11 For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.

12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Saying stuff

I saw my nieces on the weekend- and the meeting place, was the toiletries section of their local woolworths, of all places, which meant there was me and 3 gorgeous little girls in a heap of cuddles on the floor! 

You can't do that with too many people! There were plenty of hugs, kisses, 'I Love you's', 'you're awesome', and so on. 

I was thinking about how I talk to the kids in my life, compared to the adult people in my life. So often it seems you have to filter it through what's appropriate to say, safe to say, because they might have a different perspective. Friends, even close friends or best friends can still be a chasm apart from where family, a husband or wife might be in your relationship. And perhaps that's why being single can feel so isolated- there isn't anyone you can be completely free with in your positive affection.

So often it feels that to love, and express love requires a response as a result, or is giving power to the other, which may or may not be a good thing, depending on what they do with it. We are so used to giving, or receiving love that is conditional, or laden with expectation, and there aren't too many times when it is truly given freely. Often I withhold out of fear, and wonder how often others withhold from me. 

Too often it all feels like a poker game. Don't give or reveal anything, don't show your cards, play to win at all costs, at the expense of the others playing. The person who holds out the longest holds onto the most. And the one to share their true feelings ends up with egg on their face.

And for others it can be the journey of learning to love freely, unconditionally, with no expectation of return- unless the other chooses to, and wants to journey with the other in this way. It's a scary, awesome wonder to behold, when you step into that place of trust, not knowing where it will lead, but step by step, the leap of faith into the unknown- beyond the fear of being vulnerable- in that journey of walking together in life.

The Bible says that perfect love casts out all fear, that we are called to love The Lord our God and love our neighbours as ourselves. It's counter cultural, and and makes me go wow every time I see or experience it happening....because its always then that I realise how incredibly rare and precious it is, and oh, so worth fighting for, no matter what!!

Dreams

I recently started writing a list of things I would love to do. One day. There are so many things I enjoy doing, or would like to do. There are things I simply can’t make happen, or need other specific people to come along to help bring a dream to a reality, and while I would love to do everything Right Now, it’s simply not possible. It’s taken a while to settle into that, and another while to learn what to say yes, or no to, or not right now, while leaving space for God to have His way in my life, in and through me, and His promises.

There can be such a tension between what is good, and what is right, because it’s all great stuff, but that doesn’t make it the right thing for me to do right now, which can be a real struggle, when some things are ‘seen’ to be more worthwhile, or others deem worthy.

I do a job now which gives security, while enabling me to work with people I love, gives an international feel and flavor to life, in a group of people who wouldn’t normally come into contact with Christians. At the same time, it’s not the busiest job I have had in the world, but it enables me the headspace to do all sorts of crazy things outside of work. And there’s a lot of fun crazy things, which makes life interesting and diverse, and I’m really enjoying it.

It often makes me wonder though about what is a good thing for me to be doing, and what’s the right thing, and agreeing to do something, based on what I know now, vs information that might become available at the very next corner, or conversation.

I have a hunch that we all have a vision, mandate, or invocation. I love what Bob Goff says about it….. ‘Make all of the things you believe your invocation and all of the things you do about it your benediction’.

As we live life faithfully, even if we can’t articulate our mandate of living, it seems that if we are faithful with the little things, and obedient to God’s call on our life, even if it doesn’t make sense, it seems to come clear.

And while I can’t live out every single one of my dreams here and now, all at once, it seems that they grow, and in their time they will happen, and will find an opportunity and place within God’s plan. So, I can keep the list, look back at the cool things that have indeed happened, and look forward to what is to come.

When Jesus is your Lord; nothing is secular, everything is sacred (Nicky Gumbel). We can walk in wonder at all God has for us, giving it all back, for it’s all sacred decisions and sacred living.